¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you want to be exceptionally skilled in one area or have a lot of little skills that you¡¯re prett

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹®*Çö
2021-04-20 586

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I expect myself to be more knowledgeable in the finance sector. I majored in international finance, concentrated explicitly on global banking at university to launch my future career in the relevant field. After graduation, I worked with financial professionals as clients, but most of the work was related to answering their inquiries and gathering information for future sales opportunities. I even had to handle angry customers by listening to their complaints few times per day, which seem irrelevant to work. Accordingly, I will be resigning this week because I lost motivation at work. I hope my future job is related to conducting deep analysis and delivering meaningful insight in a fast-paced financial market.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Here's your corrected composition, Aciel! See you later!

Cheers, 
Jean~~



I expect myself to be more knowledgeable in the finance sector.
>> correct

 I majored in international finance, concentrated explicitly on global banking at university to launch my future career in the relevant field. 
>> I majored in international finance, and concentrated explicitly on global banking at university to launch my future career in the relevant field. 

After graduation, I worked with financial professionals as clients, but most of the work was related to answering their inquiries and gathering information for future sales opportunities. 
>> After graduation, I worked with financial professionals as clients... (This is an ambiguous clause cos it seems that you were the client even though the phrase "as clients" followed "financial professionals". Consider the following changes.) After graduation, I worked with financial professionals as a consultant but most of the work was related to answering their queries and gathering information for future sales opportunities. 

I even had to handle angry customers by listening to their complaints few times per day, which seem irrelevant to work. 
>> (This sentence somehow implies a complaint on your part about having the need to handle such clients. Consider the sentence below.)
>> I even handled angry customers by listening to their complaints and rants a few times per day, which may seem irrelevant to work but in fact, this further honed my communication skills. 

Accordingly, I will be resigning this week because I lost motivation at work. 
>> (Again, another complaint. This sentence sounds quite negative and would discourage your potential employer from hiring you. Consider changing the reason for your resignation. HR people wouldn't want to hear this kind of reason even though it's a common one.)

I hope my future job is related to conducting deep analysis and delivering meaningful insight in a fast-paced financial market.
>> correct
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
107643 How much time do usually spend when talking to someone on the... ÇÏ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-19 651
107642 INTERVIEW Q ±Ç*½Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-04-19 0
107641 House chores ¼±*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-04-19 658
107640 email5 ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-19 0
107639 email3 ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-19 0
107638 email2 ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-19 0
107637 email1 ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-19 0
107636 Homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-04-18 367
107635 A school field trip in Everland ¾È*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-18 2
107634 Homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-04-18 708
107633 Describe the wedding you\'ve been to or heard about. ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-18 3
107632 What is the most expensive kind of alcohol in your country? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-18 596
107631 If you can have a big birthday party, how do you want it to be... ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-18 523
107630 email3 ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-18 0
107629 Work email2 ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-18 0
107628 Work email ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-18 0
107627 Is homeschooling an effective method of education? Why or why... ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-17 705
107626 Who I am... Á¶*½Å ¿Ï·á 2021-04-17 441
107625 Email ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-17 0
107624 Email ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-17 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04