¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you want to be exceptionally skilled in one area or have a lot of little skills that you¡¯re prett

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹®*Çö
2021-04-20 636

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I expect myself to be more knowledgeable in the finance sector. I majored in international finance, concentrated explicitly on global banking at university to launch my future career in the relevant field. After graduation, I worked with financial professionals as clients, but most of the work was related to answering their inquiries and gathering information for future sales opportunities. I even had to handle angry customers by listening to their complaints few times per day, which seem irrelevant to work. Accordingly, I will be resigning this week because I lost motivation at work. I hope my future job is related to conducting deep analysis and delivering meaningful insight in a fast-paced financial market.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Here's your corrected composition, Aciel! See you later!

Cheers, 
Jean~~



I expect myself to be more knowledgeable in the finance sector.
>> correct

 I majored in international finance, concentrated explicitly on global banking at university to launch my future career in the relevant field. 
>> I majored in international finance, and concentrated explicitly on global banking at university to launch my future career in the relevant field. 

After graduation, I worked with financial professionals as clients, but most of the work was related to answering their inquiries and gathering information for future sales opportunities. 
>> After graduation, I worked with financial professionals as clients... (This is an ambiguous clause cos it seems that you were the client even though the phrase "as clients" followed "financial professionals". Consider the following changes.) After graduation, I worked with financial professionals as a consultant but most of the work was related to answering their queries and gathering information for future sales opportunities. 

I even had to handle angry customers by listening to their complaints few times per day, which seem irrelevant to work. 
>> (This sentence somehow implies a complaint on your part about having the need to handle such clients. Consider the sentence below.)
>> I even handled angry customers by listening to their complaints and rants a few times per day, which may seem irrelevant to work but in fact, this further honed my communication skills. 

Accordingly, I will be resigning this week because I lost motivation at work. 
>> (Again, another complaint. This sentence sounds quite negative and would discourage your potential employer from hiring you. Consider changing the reason for your resignation. HR people wouldn't want to hear this kind of reason even though it's a common one.)

I hope my future job is related to conducting deep analysis and delivering meaningful insight in a fast-paced financial market.
>> correct
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
107264 Some believe it is important for cities and towns to invest... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-07 569
107263 Who is your role model in your life? Why? Çã*´Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-04-07 1
107262 Marriage is no longer necessary nowadays. Do you agree or... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-07 0
107261 What would life be like without weekends? Do you have enough... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-07 609
107260 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-04-07 10
107259 Tell me about the proper way of taking care of our skin Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-04-07 596
107258 Homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-07 583
107257 the synonyms of the words and use them in a sentence: ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-07 1
107256 how would you know if a person is good or not during your first... ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-07 1
107255 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-07 1
107254 What is the most beautiful thing in nature? Why? ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-07 733
107253 What do you usually do with your friends? ÇÏ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-07 595
107252 Homework ¾ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-04-07 0
107251 Composition º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-07 0
107250 During an interview, what will you do if one of the interviewer... À¯*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-06 2
107249 we can learn many thing about our life cause we can get a... À¯*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-04-06 693
107248 My proudest moment. ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-06 532
107247 What stresses you the most and how to you handle it? ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-06 933
107246 Which one would you rather use as your main source of... ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-04-06 617
107245 What made you like NCT aside from their looks? ±è*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-06 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04