¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you want to be exceptionally skilled in one area or have a lot of little skills that you¡¯re prett

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹®*Çö
2021-04-20 655

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I expect myself to be more knowledgeable in the finance sector. I majored in international finance, concentrated explicitly on global banking at university to launch my future career in the relevant field. After graduation, I worked with financial professionals as clients, but most of the work was related to answering their inquiries and gathering information for future sales opportunities. I even had to handle angry customers by listening to their complaints few times per day, which seem irrelevant to work. Accordingly, I will be resigning this week because I lost motivation at work. I hope my future job is related to conducting deep analysis and delivering meaningful insight in a fast-paced financial market.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Here's your corrected composition, Aciel! See you later!

Cheers, 
Jean~~



I expect myself to be more knowledgeable in the finance sector.
>> correct

 I majored in international finance, concentrated explicitly on global banking at university to launch my future career in the relevant field. 
>> I majored in international finance, and concentrated explicitly on global banking at university to launch my future career in the relevant field. 

After graduation, I worked with financial professionals as clients, but most of the work was related to answering their inquiries and gathering information for future sales opportunities. 
>> After graduation, I worked with financial professionals as clients... (This is an ambiguous clause cos it seems that you were the client even though the phrase "as clients" followed "financial professionals". Consider the following changes.) After graduation, I worked with financial professionals as a consultant but most of the work was related to answering their queries and gathering information for future sales opportunities. 

I even had to handle angry customers by listening to their complaints few times per day, which seem irrelevant to work. 
>> (This sentence somehow implies a complaint on your part about having the need to handle such clients. Consider the sentence below.)
>> I even handled angry customers by listening to their complaints and rants a few times per day, which may seem irrelevant to work but in fact, this further honed my communication skills. 

Accordingly, I will be resigning this week because I lost motivation at work. 
>> (Again, another complaint. This sentence sounds quite negative and would discourage your potential employer from hiring you. Consider changing the reason for your resignation. HR people wouldn't want to hear this kind of reason even though it's a common one.)

I hope my future job is related to conducting deep analysis and delivering meaningful insight in a fast-paced financial market.
>> correct
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
106974 Study without music(between angel and devil) ¾È*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-27 5
106973 Can you talk about three cities you would like to visit? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-27 4
106972 Homework ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-03-27 5
106971 Homework (250) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 2776
106970 How important is dancing in your culture? Ȳ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 2104
106969 homework ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 1
106968 grammar ¼Õ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 3658
106967 From my work Á¤*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 2
106966 HOMEWORK Á¤*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 0
106965 Yes! I want to be a bird~ ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 2186
106964 Homework {03/26} Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 2279
106963 Why do people renovate their houses? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 1
106962 HOMEWORK ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 2530
106961 What is your favorite movie? Why? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 2753
106960 Friday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 3049
106959 What body language offends you? ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 2372
106958 When a person spends most of his or her time working a job with... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 2815
106957 What is your favorite song and why? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 2554
106956 Homework ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 2
106955 What are indirect questions? ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-26 2307

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04