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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

It is better for children if the whole family including aunts, uncles and grandparents are involved

작성자: 황*하
2021-04-20 519

회원님의 영작문

It is definitely helpful for children to live with whole family because all members would pay attention to them and give advice, care and educate them by various ways. The standard of family have been changed since my parents was born. These days, many people prefer to live alone because of the burden of house price, restriction of their activities and baby care. Thees are very common phenomenon in our society which have been accelerated the polarization of wealth. Although, there are many positive perspective living with whole family, the conflicts among the family members will be the main problem. I don't know which side I should stand if my wife and mother in law have different ideas about bringing up kids. In addition, Korea is really conservative country especially in terms of family relationship. Parents in law expect their daughter in law to do all stuff at home. They don't consider house chores as men's affairs. My country have strong belief about the role of men and women

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good day MR. HWANG! ^^ Hard work is the most important key to success. Without being willing to work hard and put everything into a venture, success is nearly impossible. Keep going! ^^
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
It is definitely helpful for children to live with whole family because all members would pay attention to them and give advice, care and educate them by various ways. 
>>> It is definitely helpful for children to live with their whole family because all members would pay attention to them and give advice, care and educate them in various ways. 
The standard of family have been changed since my parents was born.
>>> The standard of family has been changing since my parents was born.
 These days, many people prefer to live alone because of the burden of house price, restriction of their activities and baby care.
>>>  These days, many people prefer to live alone because of the burden of the house price, restrictions of their activities and baby care.
 Thees are very common phenomenon in our society which have been accelerated the polarization of wealth. 
>>> These has been a very common phenomenon in our society which have been accelerated the polarization of wealth. 
Although, there are many positive perspective living with the whole family, conflicts among the family members will be the main problem. 
>>> CORRECT
I don't know which side I should stand if my wife and mother in law have different ideas about bringing up kids. In addition, Korea is really conservative country especially in terms of family relationship. 
>>> I don't know which side I should stand if my wife and mother-in-law have different ideas about bringing up kids. 
In addition, Korea is really conservative country especially in terms of family relationship. 
>>> In addition, Korea is really a conservative country especially in terms of family relationship. 
Parents in law expect their daughter in law to do all stuff at home. 
>>> Parents-in-law expect their daughter-in-law to do all the stuff at home. 
They don't consider house chores as men's affairs.
>>> CORRECT
My country have strong belief about the role of men and women.
>>>My country has a strong belief about the role of men and women.
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전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
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