¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±Ç*¿ø
2021-04-20 746

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Recently, sex crimes are the most frequent problems in Korea.
In particular, there are many sex crimes against teenagers.
In the United States, sex crimes against teenagers are the most serious crimes.
However, the level of punishment about sex crimes is low in Korea.
Even if some people commit a crime against teenagers, they can come out after only two years in prison.
To control this problem, we need to extend the prison term.
If we extend the prison term, the sex crimes against teenagers will decrease.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Cleo,

  Thank you for taking time to answer this question. It only proves that you really wanted to improve in your English skill. Please do check and take note of the corrections for your improvement. I hope it helped you. 

Keep up the good work!

Sincerely,
Teacher Annie (^^)



Recently, sex crimes are the most frequent problems in Korea.
>>> Recently, sex crimes are the most frequent problem in South Korea.

In particular, there are many sex crimes against teenagers.
>>> CORRECT

In the United States, sex crimes against teenagers are the most serious crimes.
>>> CORRECT
OR: In the United States, sex crimes against teenagers are also the most serious crimes.

However, the level of punishment about sex crimes is low in Korea.
>>> However, the level of punishment for sex crimes is low in Korea.

Even if some people commit a crime against teenagers, they can come out after only two years in prison.
>>> CORRECT

To control this problem, we need to extend the prison term.
>>> CORRECT
OR: To control this problem, we need to extend the years that they stay in prison. 

If we extend the prison term, the sex crimes against teenagers will decrease.
>>> CORRECT 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
107218 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-06 1
107217 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-06 1
107216 Have verb Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-04-06 627
107215 What sport do you like watching? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-04-06 524
107214 Which one would you rather use as your main source of... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-04-06 1
107213 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-06 1
107212 Which one would you rather use as your main source of... ±è*¿­ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-06 439
107211 iron man Á¤*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-04-06 496
107210 Why is English fluency significant for you? °æ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-06 596
107209 Kimchi could help ease coronavirus symptoms À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-04-06 1
107208 Homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-06 609
107207 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-04-06 19
107206 home work ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-04-06 433
107205 Assignment º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-06 1
107204 homework_21.03.30 ÀÌ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-04-06 2
107203 If you could change one thing about your current house to make... ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-06 444
107202 How often do you go to restaurants? ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-06 702
107201 Homework ¾ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-04-06 0
107200 If you could change any aspect of your personality, what would... ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-06 455
107199 How does one\'s clothing describe a person to you? ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-06 478

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04