¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±Ç*¿ø
2021-04-20 756

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Recently, sex crimes are the most frequent problems in Korea.
In particular, there are many sex crimes against teenagers.
In the United States, sex crimes against teenagers are the most serious crimes.
However, the level of punishment about sex crimes is low in Korea.
Even if some people commit a crime against teenagers, they can come out after only two years in prison.
To control this problem, we need to extend the prison term.
If we extend the prison term, the sex crimes against teenagers will decrease.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Cleo,

  Thank you for taking time to answer this question. It only proves that you really wanted to improve in your English skill. Please do check and take note of the corrections for your improvement. I hope it helped you. 

Keep up the good work!

Sincerely,
Teacher Annie (^^)



Recently, sex crimes are the most frequent problems in Korea.
>>> Recently, sex crimes are the most frequent problem in South Korea.

In particular, there are many sex crimes against teenagers.
>>> CORRECT

In the United States, sex crimes against teenagers are the most serious crimes.
>>> CORRECT
OR: In the United States, sex crimes against teenagers are also the most serious crimes.

However, the level of punishment about sex crimes is low in Korea.
>>> However, the level of punishment for sex crimes is low in Korea.

Even if some people commit a crime against teenagers, they can come out after only two years in prison.
>>> CORRECT

To control this problem, we need to extend the prison term.
>>> CORRECT
OR: To control this problem, we need to extend the years that they stay in prison. 

If we extend the prison term, the sex crimes against teenagers will decrease.
>>> CORRECT 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
107113 Script ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-31 12
107112 Homework (253) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-31 1227
107111 homework ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-31 1
107110 Don\'t know what to do.. Áö*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-03-31 1550
107109 What do you think life was like for human beings when dinosaurs... Ȳ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-31 1136
107108 I studied Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-31 0
107107 Hm Àå*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-31 1886
107106 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-03-31 1158
107105 grammar ¼Õ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-03-31 1547
107104 HOMEWORK Á¤*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-31 1
107103 Homework º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-31 1
107102 [03/30]Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-03-31 1
107101 [03/26]Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-03-31 2
107100 My goal ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-31 2
107099 Is appearance important to your job? Share your answer in a... ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-31 902
107098 My favorite topic is scrapbook ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-03-31 1215
107097 Why do many people try to have a healthy lifestyle? ±è*¿Â ¿Ï·á 2021-03-31 1847
107096 Skip ¼Û*ö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-31 1715
107095 Royal Family Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-03-31 982
107094 HOMEWORK ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-31 832

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04