¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±Ç*¿ø
2021-04-20 760

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Recently, sex crimes are the most frequent problems in Korea.
In particular, there are many sex crimes against teenagers.
In the United States, sex crimes against teenagers are the most serious crimes.
However, the level of punishment about sex crimes is low in Korea.
Even if some people commit a crime against teenagers, they can come out after only two years in prison.
To control this problem, we need to extend the prison term.
If we extend the prison term, the sex crimes against teenagers will decrease.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Cleo,

  Thank you for taking time to answer this question. It only proves that you really wanted to improve in your English skill. Please do check and take note of the corrections for your improvement. I hope it helped you. 

Keep up the good work!

Sincerely,
Teacher Annie (^^)



Recently, sex crimes are the most frequent problems in Korea.
>>> Recently, sex crimes are the most frequent problem in South Korea.

In particular, there are many sex crimes against teenagers.
>>> CORRECT

In the United States, sex crimes against teenagers are the most serious crimes.
>>> CORRECT
OR: In the United States, sex crimes against teenagers are also the most serious crimes.

However, the level of punishment about sex crimes is low in Korea.
>>> However, the level of punishment for sex crimes is low in Korea.

Even if some people commit a crime against teenagers, they can come out after only two years in prison.
>>> CORRECT

To control this problem, we need to extend the prison term.
>>> CORRECT
OR: To control this problem, we need to extend the years that they stay in prison. 

If we extend the prison term, the sex crimes against teenagers will decrease.
>>> CORRECT 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
107050 Tuesday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-03-30 1012
107049 Tourism today creates a variety of problems, such as pollution... Á¤*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-03-30 1313
107048 My favorite restaurant ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-30 0
107047 Homework Ç¥*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-30 5
107046 Is technology a good or a bad thing? ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-30 913
107045 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-30 1
107044 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-30 1
107043 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-30 1
107042 What springs to mind when you hear the word ¡®technology¡¯? ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-30 1587
107041 What do you do when preparing to get a job? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-03-30 2186
107040 Raising pet is good Á¤*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-03-30 1453
107039 SMILE ANSWER º¯*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-30 1131
107038 Homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-30 1606
107037 Homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-30 1656
107036 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-30 1
107035 If you could be born in another country, which one would you... Á¤*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-03-30 1
107034 homework_21.03.25 ÀÌ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-30 2
107033 Are there any hobbies you can do in other countries, but not... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-30 1325
107032 homework ±Ç*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-30 1805
107031 hello Á¶*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-30 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04