¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±Ç*¿ø
2021-04-20 783

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Recently, sex crimes are the most frequent problems in Korea.
In particular, there are many sex crimes against teenagers.
In the United States, sex crimes against teenagers are the most serious crimes.
However, the level of punishment about sex crimes is low in Korea.
Even if some people commit a crime against teenagers, they can come out after only two years in prison.
To control this problem, we need to extend the prison term.
If we extend the prison term, the sex crimes against teenagers will decrease.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Cleo,

  Thank you for taking time to answer this question. It only proves that you really wanted to improve in your English skill. Please do check and take note of the corrections for your improvement. I hope it helped you. 

Keep up the good work!

Sincerely,
Teacher Annie (^^)



Recently, sex crimes are the most frequent problems in Korea.
>>> Recently, sex crimes are the most frequent problem in South Korea.

In particular, there are many sex crimes against teenagers.
>>> CORRECT

In the United States, sex crimes against teenagers are the most serious crimes.
>>> CORRECT
OR: In the United States, sex crimes against teenagers are also the most serious crimes.

However, the level of punishment about sex crimes is low in Korea.
>>> However, the level of punishment for sex crimes is low in Korea.

Even if some people commit a crime against teenagers, they can come out after only two years in prison.
>>> CORRECT

To control this problem, we need to extend the prison term.
>>> CORRECT
OR: To control this problem, we need to extend the years that they stay in prison. 

If we extend the prison term, the sex crimes against teenagers will decrease.
>>> CORRECT 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
106673 What do you think will happen if your country is overpopulated? ÀÌ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-17 4495
106672 Why do you think people of all ages like watching cartoons? Ȳ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-17 3956
106671 Homework Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-17 2
106670 [03/11]Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-03-17 1
106669 fortnite season 6 ±è*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-17 4180
106668 writing: dinoursours Á¶*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-17 3
106667 grammar ¼Õ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-03-17 3213
106666 grammar ¼Õ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-03-17 3273
106665 grammar ¼Õ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-03-17 4691
106664 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-03-17 3276
106663 h Àå*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-03-17 6
106662 My homework ¡Æ¡ä¡Æ À¯*¸° ¿Ï·á 2021-03-17 0
106661 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-17 0
106660 HOMEWORK °­*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-17 3501
106659 Which do you like better, eating meat or vegetables? Why? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-03-17 4343
106658 My best friends are Hwang Da Song, and Hwang Da Sol. ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-03-17 3153
106657 Rocks Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-03-17 3306
106656 What food do you want to enjoy for vacation? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-03-17 3950
106655 What is your dream ? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-03-17 3241
106654 Change of past ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-17 3

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04