¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±Ç*¿ø
2021-04-20 803

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Recently, sex crimes are the most frequent problems in Korea.
In particular, there are many sex crimes against teenagers.
In the United States, sex crimes against teenagers are the most serious crimes.
However, the level of punishment about sex crimes is low in Korea.
Even if some people commit a crime against teenagers, they can come out after only two years in prison.
To control this problem, we need to extend the prison term.
If we extend the prison term, the sex crimes against teenagers will decrease.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Cleo,

  Thank you for taking time to answer this question. It only proves that you really wanted to improve in your English skill. Please do check and take note of the corrections for your improvement. I hope it helped you. 

Keep up the good work!

Sincerely,
Teacher Annie (^^)



Recently, sex crimes are the most frequent problems in Korea.
>>> Recently, sex crimes are the most frequent problem in South Korea.

In particular, there are many sex crimes against teenagers.
>>> CORRECT

In the United States, sex crimes against teenagers are the most serious crimes.
>>> CORRECT
OR: In the United States, sex crimes against teenagers are also the most serious crimes.

However, the level of punishment about sex crimes is low in Korea.
>>> However, the level of punishment for sex crimes is low in Korea.

Even if some people commit a crime against teenagers, they can come out after only two years in prison.
>>> CORRECT

To control this problem, we need to extend the prison term.
>>> CORRECT
OR: To control this problem, we need to extend the years that they stay in prison. 

If we extend the prison term, the sex crimes against teenagers will decrease.
>>> CORRECT 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
106440 2 nurses test positive for COVID-19 after Pfizer vaccine shots À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 1
106439 What problems have you encountered in using the English... ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 4071
106438 What was the first thing you bought after you got your very... ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 4239
106437 Homework ±Ý*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 2
106436 How do you like to relax after a tiring day at work? ½Å*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 1
106435 What I focused to cultivate now. ±è*¿Â ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 4825
106434 homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 4497
106433 introduction myself ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 3556
106432 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 1
106431 What hobbies do men prefer? Which hobbies do women especially... ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 5075
106430 Homework ¾ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-10 1
106429 Homework ¾ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-10 1
106428 What are the benefits of having long-term friendships? °­*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-10 5075
106427 People can\'t live only by bread. ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-10 5024
106426 Homework (238) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-10 3961
106425 Do we need to be honest all the time? ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-10 5239
106424 Hm Àå*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-10 4460
106423 What\'s the best pet for kids these days? Ȳ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-10 4768
106422 Homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-10 3
106421 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-10 5785

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04