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What can you say about requiring all women to attend the military as well? Do you think this is fair

작성자: 황*하
2021-04-21 635

회원님의 영작문

First of all, I would like to make sure that women and men don't physically have same ability. There are few women who are stronger than men but most women are weaker. Based on my experience in the army, it is not easy to get train without basic strength and the most difficult factor that people can't easily adapt to the army is military culture. Most people have experience of bully, violence and teasing without any reason. I am not sure if women can adapt to the strange environment which is unique in the society. I think this movement has started since some women didn't agree with the idea that men usually get extra points when they get a job. Women group think this is unfair. However, men think this is the valuable contribution to the country, so they think that they are entitled to get special treatment. If men think like that, women insisted to take the responsibility of military service and then they want to be treated same like men.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi there Mr. Hwang! Thanks for doing your homework! Keep it up!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
First of all, I would like to make sure that women and men don't physically have same ability. 
>>> First of all, I would like to make sure that women and men don't have the physical ability. 
There are few women who are stronger than men but most women are weaker. 
>>> There are a few women who are stronger than men but most women are weaker. 
Based on my experience in the army, it is not easy to get train without basic strength and the most difficult factor that people can't easily adapt to the army is military culture.
>>> Based on my experience in the army, it is not easy to undergo training without basic strengths and the most difficult factor is that people can't easily adapt to the military culture.
 Most people have experience of bully, violence and teasing without any reason.
>>>  Most people have experience bullying, violence and teasing without any reasons
 I am not sure if women can adapt to the strange environment which is unique in the society.
>>> CORRECT
I think this movement has started since some women didn't agree with the idea that men usually get extra points when they get a job. 
>>> CORRECT
Women group think this is unfair.
>>> Women's group think this is unfair.
 However, men think this is the valuable contribution to the country, so they think that they are entitled to get special treatment.
>>>  However, men think this is the most valuable contribution to the country, so they think that they are entitled to get a special treatment.
 If men think like that, women insisted to take the responsibility of military service and then they want to be treated same like men.
>>>  If men think that way, women insist to take the responsibility of military service and then they want to be treated like men.

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