¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±Ç*¿ø
2021-04-21 721

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think we don¡¯t need to put a microchip on our body for our convenience.
These days, we don¡¯t need to bring cash or use atm if we have a cell phone.
Of course, most Korean are using credit cards when they pay.
But nowadays, countries where people are using credit cards when they buy things are increasing.
In china, most people are using wechat pay, so if someone has a cell phone, they can pay without cash and credit cards.
In Korea, we are also using Samsung pay, the number of using Samsung pay is increasing.
But people who are using iphone can¡¯t use Samsung pay and they can¡¯t use even apple pay because apple pay is used in only America now.
However, this problem will be improvements in the future and we will use cell phone when we pay everywhere.
Accordingly, we don¡¯t need to put a microchip on our body at the expense of risk.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Cleo,

  Thank you for taking time to answer this question. It only proves that you really wanted to improve in your English skill. Please do check and take note of the corrections for your improvement. I hope it helped you. 

Keep up the good work! 

Sincerely,
Teacher Annie (^^)



I think we don¡¯t need to put a microchip on our body for our convenience.
>>> I think we don¡¯t need to put a microchip on our bodies for our convenience.

These days, we don¡¯t need to bring cash or use ATM if we have a cell phone.
>>> CORRECT

Of course, most Korean are using credit cards when they pay.
>>> CORRECT
OR: Most Koreans use credit cards when they pay. 

But nowadays, countries where people are using credit cards when they buy things are increasing.
>>> But nowadays, the countries, where people are using credit cards when they buy things, are increasing.

In china, most people are using wechat pay, so if someone has a cell phone, they can pay without cash and credit cards.
>>> In China, most people are using WeChat Pay, so if someone has a cell phone then they can pay without cash and credit cards.

In Korea, we are also using Samsung pay, the number of using Samsung pay is increasing.
>>> In Korea, we are also using Samsung Pay, and the number of people using Samsung Pay is increasing.

But people who are using iphone can¡¯t use Samsung pay and they can¡¯t use even apple pay because apple pay is used in only America now.
>>> But people who are using iPhone can¡¯t use Samsung Pay and they can¡¯t even use even Apple Pay because it is only used in America now.

However, this problem will be improvements in the future and we will use cell phone when we pay everywhere.
>>> However, this problem will be improved in the future and we will use our cellphone when we pay everywhere.

Accordingly, we don¡¯t need to put a microchip on our body at the expense of risk.
>>> CORRECT 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
107171 Some people believe that the experiences children have before... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-05 436
107170 Is it true that money can make the world go round? for some... ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-04-05 531
107169 My introduction Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-04-05 538
107168 interview Qs practice ±Ç*½Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-04-05 522
107167 Homework😀 ¹Ú*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-04-05 634
107166 Tell me about myself À¯*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-05 2
107165 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-05 1
107164 Homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-05 618
107163 homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-05 576
107162 What is the weather like in your country for each season? ÇÏ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-05 756
107161 How do you preserve beautuful sceneries in your country? Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-04-05 855
107160 What comes to mind when you hear the word \'weekend\'? Are you... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-04 507
107159 Something bad that happened to me. ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-04 630
107158 What stresses you the most and how to you handle it? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-04-04 1
107157 Homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2021-04-04 3
107156 I like to play ukulele ¾È*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-04 2
107155 Pet ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-04 589
107154 Homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2021-04-04 6
107153 What are the things that you have learned last year? ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-03 593
107152 Do you think you will surely succeed if you study hard? Why or... ±è*¿Â ¿Ï·á 2021-04-03 795

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04