¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±Ç*¿ø
2021-04-21 757

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think we don¡¯t need to put a microchip on our body for our convenience.
These days, we don¡¯t need to bring cash or use atm if we have a cell phone.
Of course, most Korean are using credit cards when they pay.
But nowadays, countries where people are using credit cards when they buy things are increasing.
In china, most people are using wechat pay, so if someone has a cell phone, they can pay without cash and credit cards.
In Korea, we are also using Samsung pay, the number of using Samsung pay is increasing.
But people who are using iphone can¡¯t use Samsung pay and they can¡¯t use even apple pay because apple pay is used in only America now.
However, this problem will be improvements in the future and we will use cell phone when we pay everywhere.
Accordingly, we don¡¯t need to put a microchip on our body at the expense of risk.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Cleo,

  Thank you for taking time to answer this question. It only proves that you really wanted to improve in your English skill. Please do check and take note of the corrections for your improvement. I hope it helped you. 

Keep up the good work! 

Sincerely,
Teacher Annie (^^)



I think we don¡¯t need to put a microchip on our body for our convenience.
>>> I think we don¡¯t need to put a microchip on our bodies for our convenience.

These days, we don¡¯t need to bring cash or use ATM if we have a cell phone.
>>> CORRECT

Of course, most Korean are using credit cards when they pay.
>>> CORRECT
OR: Most Koreans use credit cards when they pay. 

But nowadays, countries where people are using credit cards when they buy things are increasing.
>>> But nowadays, the countries, where people are using credit cards when they buy things, are increasing.

In china, most people are using wechat pay, so if someone has a cell phone, they can pay without cash and credit cards.
>>> In China, most people are using WeChat Pay, so if someone has a cell phone then they can pay without cash and credit cards.

In Korea, we are also using Samsung pay, the number of using Samsung pay is increasing.
>>> In Korea, we are also using Samsung Pay, and the number of people using Samsung Pay is increasing.

But people who are using iphone can¡¯t use Samsung pay and they can¡¯t use even apple pay because apple pay is used in only America now.
>>> But people who are using iPhone can¡¯t use Samsung Pay and they can¡¯t even use even Apple Pay because it is only used in America now.

However, this problem will be improvements in the future and we will use cell phone when we pay everywhere.
>>> However, this problem will be improved in the future and we will use our cellphone when we pay everywhere.

Accordingly, we don¡¯t need to put a microchip on our body at the expense of risk.
>>> CORRECT 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
106582 zz º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-16 1
106581 Homework 3.16 Àå*º° ¿Ï·á 2021-03-16 4017
106580 In most of the countries, people prefer to live in a rented... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-16 4994
106579 Which is your favorite sense? ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-16 4020
106578 Homework ¾ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-16 1
106577 Homework should be limited Á¤*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-03-16 4896
106576 family time ¼³*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-16 4456
106575 COMPOSITION º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-16 1
106574 Homework º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-16 1
106573 Composition º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-16 1
106572 ±Ç*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-16 4934
106571 When is immigration helpful to a country and when is harmful? È«*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 1
106570 How can traveling be educational ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 4290
106569 The thing I would buy if I¡¯m going to save up some money for... ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 4696
106568 Homework (241) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 5405
106567 Do you think all children should be taught loyalty and... Ȳ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 3285
106566 Homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 6
106565 What is your favorite music genre? Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 4405
106564 Hm Àå*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 4211
106563 Music Therapy ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-15 3949

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04