¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Some people believe the purpose of education should be helping the individual to become useful for s

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*ÇÏ
2021-04-27 872

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I strongly believe that the individual can help the society if they achieve their goals. The education can change everything regarding people's life. We have seen a lot of example of the life pattern around the world according to the location, the culture and economic status. These factors influence to the people's life and decide the quality of education in each country. There are a lot of children who didn't even get basic education even if some of them are genius. This is really sad story for us but most people can't afford to care people who are living under the bad condition and environment. The education should be useful for society as well as individuals. If people don't feel achievement what their are doing, they don't want to do their work hard because they are not interested in doing their tasks. If the job is only for the money, there will not be any improvement for individuals and society. So, people have to try to find what they like and want to do in the future.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Mr. Hwang. I missed you Monday. Anyway, I know you had a good time with another teacher. ;)  Thanks for doing your essay. 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
I strongly believe that the individual can help the society if they achieve their goals. 
>>> CORRECT
The education can change everything regarding people's life.
>>> CORRECT
We have seen a lot of example of the life pattern around the world according to the location, the culture and economic status.
>>> We have seen a lot of examples of the life pattern around the world according to the location, the culture and economic status.
 These factors influence to the people's life and decide the quality of education in each country. 
>>>  These factors influence the people's life and decisions of the quality of education in each country. 
There are a lot of children who didn't even get basic education even if some of them are genius. 
>>> CORRECT
This is really sad story for us but most people can't afford to care people who are living under the bad condition and environment. 
>>> This is really a sad story for us but most people can't afford to take care people who are living under the bad condition and environment. 
The education should be useful for society as well as individuals.
>>> CORRECT
 If people don't feel achievement what their are doing, they don't want to do their work hard because they are not interested in doing their tasks. 
>>>  If people don't feel any accomplishments on what they're doing, they don't want to do their work hard because they are not interested in doing their tasks. 
If the job is only for the money, there will not be any improvement for individuals and society. 
>>> If doing their job is only for the sake of money, there will not be any improvements for individuals and society. 
So, people have to try to find what they like and want to do in the future.
>>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
106461 Homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 4704
106460 Homework °­*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 4412
106459 If you were born again,would you like to br a dog or cat. ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 4060
106458 If you are going to save up some money for something, what would... Çã*´Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 5
106457 Yes, I afraid of the great white shark. ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 5282
106456 question ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 4076
106455 What are the three most important things for you to be happy? Çã*´Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 5
106454 What do you want to do in your life? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 1
106453 HOMEWORK ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 4584
106452 Homework ½É*»ó ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 4123
106451 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 4899
106450 Beauty ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 3
106449 hihi~ Àå*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 2
106448 homework Ç¥*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 25
106447 One of the most important issues facing the world today is a... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 3657
106446 Do we need to be honest all the time? Why or why not? ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 4133
106445 question ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 3890
106444 Who is the most controversial politician in your country? Why... ±è*¿­ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 4325
106443 Describe an enjoyable dinner that you had with friends ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 4413
106442 How can traveling be educational? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-11 5055

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04