무료 레벨테스트 받고 강사평가 남기면 1,OOO원 쿠폰 즉시 적립!

혹시 사이트에선 찾지 못한 궁금한 점이 있으세요?
남겨주신 이메일을 통해 답변 드리겠습니다.

문의하신 내용이 문자로 발송되오니
연락처를 남겨주세요.
업무시간 월~금 오전9시~오후6시
(점심시간 낮12시~오후1시)

영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Do you think that women should also join the military there in Korea? Why or why not?

작성자: 류*주
2021-04-27 648

회원님의 영작문

I don't know actually but as my opinion, I think it's better to join the military women too.
In the past, there was the system that if men go to military, they can get some extra points.
But this system was abolished because of gender discrimination by some people.
And also almost system about getting points about going to military, were abolished too.
And I think it is fair to join the military women too, but the goverment don't doing this.
They think about the system of getting adventages because of military is the gender discrimination, but they don't think that women not going to military is the gender discrimination.
So In my opinion, if the goverment thinking the gender discrimination is bad thing, they have to change the system about going to military just a men.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi John! Women joining the military has been a big controversy in South Korea. There has been speculations that it promotes gender inequality. I think that they should allow women to join the military but not mandatorily. Only the volunteers shall enter it because some women are not capable of doing things like that. If you have the ability, then you can. But if you don't, it's fine. :) Thanks for sharing your opinion. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!

In the past, there was the system that if men go to military, they can get some extra points.
>>>CORRECT

But this system was abolished because of gender discrimination by some people.
>> CORERCT

And also almost system about getting points about going to military, were abolished too.
>>>Most systems about getting points from serving the military, were abolished too.

And I think it is fair to join the military women too, but the goverment don't doing this.
>>I think it would be fair if women join the military too but the government is not allowing it. 

They think about the system of getting adventages because of military is the gender discrimination, but they don't think that women not going to military is the gender discrimination.
>>They are thinking the advantages and disadvantages because of gender discrimination. The government thinks that not allowing women to join the military is gender discrimination. 

So In my opinion, if the goverment thinking the gender discrimination is bad thing, they have to change the system about going to military just a men.
>>So in my opinion, if the government thinks gender discrimination is a bad thing, they have to change the system of mandatory military service. 

번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
107987 How do you communicate well to your colleagues at work? 김*진 완료 2021-04-28 769
107986 ^ - ^ 차*빈 완료 2021-04-28 948
107985 Are you afraid of making mistakes? Why or why not? 류*주 완료 2021-04-28 580
107984 Wednesday homework 류*우 완료 2021-04-28 541
107983 There are many female students who finish degrees in science and... 황*하 완료 2021-04-28 509
107982 Homework 임*민 완료 2021-04-28 5
107981 How do you loosen up? 조*영 완료 2021-04-28 647
107980 SMILE ANSWER 변*주 완료 2021-04-28 650
107979 Politicians call for leniency for boy accused of damaging... 유*진 완료 2021-04-28 2
107978 Are you afraid of making mistakes? Why or why not? 허*늘 완료 2021-04-28 2
107977 What is the interesting city to visit your country 김*민 완료 2021-04-28 612
107976 City of Seoul seizes cryptocurrencies from tax delinquents 유*진 완료 2021-04-28 2
107975 What l can\'t buy things 전*선 완료 2021-04-28 709
107974 Make a sentence using the words below 이*지 완료 2021-04-28 603
107973 Homework 임*숙 완료 2021-04-28 766
107972 When you are stressed, how do you feel physically? 노*이 완료 2021-04-28 1
107971 Do you think people can become addicted to shopping? 변*훈 완료 2021-04-28 2
107970 Homework 2 사* 완료 2021-04-28 1
107969 Homework 1 사* 완료 2021-04-28 2
107968 Homework 함*주 완료 2021-04-28 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

주5회 수업 : 월 20회 이용 가능
주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
첨부 할 수 있는 파일 형식은 다음과 같습니다.

문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

와이즈에듀케이션아이(주) 사이트명: 파워잉글리쉬 대표이사 전상현
사업자등록번호: 217-81-44736 통신판매신고번호: 2014-서울도봉-0233호
서울본사: 서울시 노원구 한글비석로 245 두타빌 B동 7층 713호
대표번호 1688-8672 개인정보관리 책임자: 안희영 [powerenglish@pweng.net]