¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think that women should also join the military there in Korea? Why or why not?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿­
2021-04-28 866

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Maybe not right now. but in a few decades women will have to go to the military. Now in Korea, almost 99 percent of men are serving in the military. Because the military service period being reduced, but there are no people, so the number of people selected from the military is increasing. And even worse, the problem of low birth rate in Korea is so serious that it will get worse. So I think women should think seriously about going to the army.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Steve! Women joining the military has been a big controversy in South Korea. There has been speculations that it promotes gender inequality. I think that they should allow women to join the military but not mandatorily. Only the volunteers shall enter it because some women are not capable of doing things like that. If you have the ability, then you can. But if you don't, it's fine. :) Thanks for sharing your opinion. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!

Maybe not right now. but in a few decades women will have to go to the military. 
>>Maybe not right now but in a few decades, women will have to go to the military. 

Now in Korea, almost 99 percent of men are serving in the military. 
>>CORRECT

Because the military service period being reduced, but there are no people, so the number of people selected from the military is increasing. 
>>Since the military service period is being reduced, there are not a lot of people who is serving it. So mandatory service is increasing. 

And even worse, the problem of low birth rate in Korea is so serious that it will get worse. 
>>The low birth rate in Korea is making it worse. 

So I think women should think seriously about going to the army.
>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
107643 How much time do usually spend when talking to someone on the... ÇÏ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-19 683
107642 INTERVIEW Q ±Ç*½Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-04-19 0
107641 House chores ¼±*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-04-19 680
107640 email5 ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-19 0
107639 email3 ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-19 0
107638 email2 ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-19 0
107637 email1 ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-19 0
107636 Homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-04-18 386
107635 A school field trip in Everland ¾È*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-18 2
107634 Homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-04-18 739
107633 Describe the wedding you\'ve been to or heard about. ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-18 3
107632 What is the most expensive kind of alcohol in your country? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-18 622
107631 If you can have a big birthday party, how do you want it to be... ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-18 548
107630 email3 ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-18 0
107629 Work email2 ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-18 0
107628 Work email ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-18 0
107627 Is homeschooling an effective method of education? Why or why... ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-17 737
107626 Who I am... Á¶*½Å ¿Ï·á 2021-04-17 451
107625 Email ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-17 0
107624 Email ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-17 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04