¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think that women should also join the military there in Korea? Why or why not?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿­
2021-04-28 881

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Maybe not right now. but in a few decades women will have to go to the military. Now in Korea, almost 99 percent of men are serving in the military. Because the military service period being reduced, but there are no people, so the number of people selected from the military is increasing. And even worse, the problem of low birth rate in Korea is so serious that it will get worse. So I think women should think seriously about going to the army.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Steve! Women joining the military has been a big controversy in South Korea. There has been speculations that it promotes gender inequality. I think that they should allow women to join the military but not mandatorily. Only the volunteers shall enter it because some women are not capable of doing things like that. If you have the ability, then you can. But if you don't, it's fine. :) Thanks for sharing your opinion. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!

Maybe not right now. but in a few decades women will have to go to the military. 
>>Maybe not right now but in a few decades, women will have to go to the military. 

Now in Korea, almost 99 percent of men are serving in the military. 
>>CORRECT

Because the military service period being reduced, but there are no people, so the number of people selected from the military is increasing. 
>>Since the military service period is being reduced, there are not a lot of people who is serving it. So mandatory service is increasing. 

And even worse, the problem of low birth rate in Korea is so serious that it will get worse. 
>>The low birth rate in Korea is making it worse. 

So I think women should think seriously about going to the army.
>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
107459 Homework ½É*»ó ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 593
107458 Tuesday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 675
107457 Do you prefer to travel alone or in a group? Why? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 1
107456 do people in my country like to make new friends? Are friends... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 581
107455 Where do you want to be in right now? ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 422
107454 Homework Ç¥*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 5
107453 What is something that you are proud of and why? ±è*¿­ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 498
107452 SMILE ANSWER º¯*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 696
107451 leader Á¤*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 592
107450 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 3
107449 Homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 510
107448 My country Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 584
107447 What was the most exciting thing that happened to you this... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 0
107446 homework ±è*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 2
107445 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 1
107444 home work(4.12) ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 989
107443 Are there any foods or flavors which you didn\'t use to like... ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 564
107442 Homework ¾ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 0
107441 Task ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 892
107440 Homework º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04