¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think that women should also join the military there in Korea? Why or why not?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿­
2021-04-28 902

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Maybe not right now. but in a few decades women will have to go to the military. Now in Korea, almost 99 percent of men are serving in the military. Because the military service period being reduced, but there are no people, so the number of people selected from the military is increasing. And even worse, the problem of low birth rate in Korea is so serious that it will get worse. So I think women should think seriously about going to the army.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Steve! Women joining the military has been a big controversy in South Korea. There has been speculations that it promotes gender inequality. I think that they should allow women to join the military but not mandatorily. Only the volunteers shall enter it because some women are not capable of doing things like that. If you have the ability, then you can. But if you don't, it's fine. :) Thanks for sharing your opinion. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!

Maybe not right now. but in a few decades women will have to go to the military. 
>>Maybe not right now but in a few decades, women will have to go to the military. 

Now in Korea, almost 99 percent of men are serving in the military. 
>>CORRECT

Because the military service period being reduced, but there are no people, so the number of people selected from the military is increasing. 
>>Since the military service period is being reduced, there are not a lot of people who is serving it. So mandatory service is increasing. 

And even worse, the problem of low birth rate in Korea is so serious that it will get worse. 
>>The low birth rate in Korea is making it worse. 

So I think women should think seriously about going to the army.
>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
107210 Why is English fluency significant for you? °æ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-06 602
107209 Kimchi could help ease coronavirus symptoms À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-04-06 1
107208 Homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-06 630
107207 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-04-06 19
107206 home work ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-04-06 444
107205 Assignment º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-06 1
107204 homework_21.03.30 ÀÌ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-04-06 2
107203 If you could change one thing about your current house to make... ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-06 454
107202 How often do you go to restaurants? ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-06 708
107201 Homework ¾ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-04-06 0
107200 If you could change any aspect of your personality, what would... ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-06 459
107199 How does one\'s clothing describe a person to you? ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-06 483
107198 What is your favorite TV program? Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-04-05 448
107197 What stresses you the most and how to you handle it? Çã*´Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-04-05 2
107196 Over half of single Koreans in their thirties living with... À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-04-05 2
107195 Sorry teacher¢½ ±è*¼ø ¿Ï·á 2021-04-05 514
107194 Speaking Test ¿À*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-05 1
107193 What\'s your thought on the by-election in Seoul? Ȳ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-05 520
107192 Do you prefer to study with friends/classmates or to study... ¹Ú*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-05 483
107191 Homework (255) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-05 434

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04