¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think that women should also join the military there in Korea? Why or why not?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿­
2021-04-28 914

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Maybe not right now. but in a few decades women will have to go to the military. Now in Korea, almost 99 percent of men are serving in the military. Because the military service period being reduced, but there are no people, so the number of people selected from the military is increasing. And even worse, the problem of low birth rate in Korea is so serious that it will get worse. So I think women should think seriously about going to the army.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Steve! Women joining the military has been a big controversy in South Korea. There has been speculations that it promotes gender inequality. I think that they should allow women to join the military but not mandatorily. Only the volunteers shall enter it because some women are not capable of doing things like that. If you have the ability, then you can. But if you don't, it's fine. :) Thanks for sharing your opinion. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!

Maybe not right now. but in a few decades women will have to go to the military. 
>>Maybe not right now but in a few decades, women will have to go to the military. 

Now in Korea, almost 99 percent of men are serving in the military. 
>>CORRECT

Because the military service period being reduced, but there are no people, so the number of people selected from the military is increasing. 
>>Since the military service period is being reduced, there are not a lot of people who is serving it. So mandatory service is increasing. 

And even worse, the problem of low birth rate in Korea is so serious that it will get worse. 
>>The low birth rate in Korea is making it worse. 

So I think women should think seriously about going to the army.
>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
107140 Homework (254) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-01 1521
107139 I think.. Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-01 1
107138 ¤Ç¤Ì Àå*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-01 1543
107137 homework ±è*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-01 0
107136 homework ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-04-01 1
107135 What do you think is the most serious problem in the world? Why... ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-01 1058
107134 [03/31]Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-04-01 1
107133 grammar ¼Õ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-04-01 1053
107132 My favorite book is ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-04-01 1171
107131 Create a sentence with wirds in it ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-04-01 1067
107130 HOMEWORK ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-01 1426
107129 Homework ½É*»ó ¿Ï·á 2021-04-01 1395
107128 What are the advantages and disadvantages of having a pet? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-04-01 0
107127 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-04-01 1434
107126 Homework Ç¥*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-01 3
107125 What are the advantages and disadvantages of having a pet? ÀÌ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-01 1418
107124 What are the advantages and disadvantages of having a pet? Çã*´Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-04-01 1
107123 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-01 1
107122 What springs to mind when you hear the word ¡®school¡¯? ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-01 1079
107121 As a citizen, is voting more of a privilege or a responsibility? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-04-01 2751

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04