¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework: Do you believe that people must work hard to become successful? Why or why not?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¼º
2021-04-28 721

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

The criteria of success can be interpreted in different ways for each person.
But, generally, my opinion of this agenda is, I don't think all people who work hard can be successful, but I believe working hard is essential to result successfully.
Based on my experiences, as more work as I had, I could have more clear insight, and get used to doing a task as time goes by.
Besides, that kind of experience can give us some different ways of point of view which helps us to find the right direction.
For example, regarding a situation where an issue has occurred, the experiences which were originated by our effort during hard-working for troubleshooting could be helpful to resolve.
However, despite the hard-working, some people may struggle to achieve their own target. And, I think it's due to the wrong direction of their effort.
So, in the condition of the right direction, I believe someone who works hard for their task, can be successful as long as they keep concentrating.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Nicely done, Homer!~ 

Thank you for submitting a composition.
You will find the corrections of this composition at the bottom of this field. 
I will also be checking your script from this composition board. 
Have a good day!~ 


~t. Ally


------------------------------

The criteria of success can be interpreted in different ways for each person.
>> CORRECT!

But, generally, my opinion of this agenda is, I don't think all people who work hard can be successful, but I believe working hard is essential to result successfully.
>> But, generally, my opinion on this agenda is, I don't think all people who work hard can be successful, but I believe that working hard is essential to being successful. 

Based on my experiences, as more work as I had, I could have more clear insight, and get used to doing a task as time goes by.
>> Based on my experiences, the more work I had, the clearer my insight became, and I got used to doing a task as time went on.

Besides, that kind of experience can give us some different ways of point of view which helps us to find the right direction.
>> Besides that, that kind of experience can give us a different point of view which then helps us find the right direction.

For example, regarding a situation where an issue has occurred, the experiences which were originated by our effort during hard-working for troubleshooting could be helpful to resolve.
>> For example, if a situation where an issue occurs happens, the experiences a person has gained from their efforts of hard work in troubleshooting something could be helpful to resolve the situation.

However, despite the hard-working, some people may struggle to achieve their own target. And, I think it's due to the wrong direction of their effort.
>> However, despite their hard work, some people may still struggle to achieve their own target, and I think it's due to the wrong direction of their effort.

So, in the condition of the right direction, I believe someone who works hard for their task, can be successful as long as they keep concentrating.
>> CORRECT!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
107803 HOMEWORK °­*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-22 667
107802 Make a sentence with the word sick ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-04-22 610
107801 I will go to family trip someday!! ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-04-22 663
107800 How can we minimize bullying? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-22 571
107799 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-04-22 755
107798 Do you think insurance is very important? Why or why not? ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-04-22 0
107797 Homework Ç¥*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-22 7
107796 homework_21.04.20 ÀÌ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-04-22 4
107795 What is the best way to manage conflicts with co-workers? À¯*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-22 1
107794 Tell me some company issues that may affect your long-term goals. À¯*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-22 1
107793 computer game is not good for children Á¤*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-04-22 698
107792 What is the biggest change this world needs? Why? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-22 0
107791 SMILE ANSWER º¯*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-22 626
107790 How do you make a good first impression? ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-22 548
107789 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-22 1
107788 I think of only one ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-22 570
107787 When was the first time you went to the cinema? What did you see? ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-22 628
107786 Task ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-22 845
107785 homework ¾È*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-04-22 502
107784 Do you think testing is useful or a waste of time? Do you think... ±è*ä ¿Ï·á 2021-04-22 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04