¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework: Do you believe that people must work hard to become successful? Why or why not?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¼º
2021-04-28 791

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

The criteria of success can be interpreted in different ways for each person.
But, generally, my opinion of this agenda is, I don't think all people who work hard can be successful, but I believe working hard is essential to result successfully.
Based on my experiences, as more work as I had, I could have more clear insight, and get used to doing a task as time goes by.
Besides, that kind of experience can give us some different ways of point of view which helps us to find the right direction.
For example, regarding a situation where an issue has occurred, the experiences which were originated by our effort during hard-working for troubleshooting could be helpful to resolve.
However, despite the hard-working, some people may struggle to achieve their own target. And, I think it's due to the wrong direction of their effort.
So, in the condition of the right direction, I believe someone who works hard for their task, can be successful as long as they keep concentrating.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Nicely done, Homer!~ 

Thank you for submitting a composition.
You will find the corrections of this composition at the bottom of this field. 
I will also be checking your script from this composition board. 
Have a good day!~ 


~t. Ally


------------------------------

The criteria of success can be interpreted in different ways for each person.
>> CORRECT!

But, generally, my opinion of this agenda is, I don't think all people who work hard can be successful, but I believe working hard is essential to result successfully.
>> But, generally, my opinion on this agenda is, I don't think all people who work hard can be successful, but I believe that working hard is essential to being successful. 

Based on my experiences, as more work as I had, I could have more clear insight, and get used to doing a task as time goes by.
>> Based on my experiences, the more work I had, the clearer my insight became, and I got used to doing a task as time went on.

Besides, that kind of experience can give us some different ways of point of view which helps us to find the right direction.
>> Besides that, that kind of experience can give us a different point of view which then helps us find the right direction.

For example, regarding a situation where an issue has occurred, the experiences which were originated by our effort during hard-working for troubleshooting could be helpful to resolve.
>> For example, if a situation where an issue occurs happens, the experiences a person has gained from their efforts of hard work in troubleshooting something could be helpful to resolve the situation.

However, despite the hard-working, some people may struggle to achieve their own target. And, I think it's due to the wrong direction of their effort.
>> However, despite their hard work, some people may still struggle to achieve their own target, and I think it's due to the wrong direction of their effort.

So, in the condition of the right direction, I believe someone who works hard for their task, can be successful as long as they keep concentrating.
>> CORRECT!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
106910 What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of... Çã*´Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-03-25 2
106909 Homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-25 3230
106908 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-25 1
106907 Homework Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-25 3
106906 HI~GINA! ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-25 3205
106905 New technologies and ways of buying and selling are transforming... Á¤*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-03-25 2268
106904 Imagine that you are giving someone advice about how to gain... ±Ç*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-25 2360
106903 riwon kim ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-24 2740
106902 riwon kim ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-03-24 1971
106901 homework ±è*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-24 0
106900 I want to learn dogs body language ¾È*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-24 4
106899 Homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2021-03-24 4
106898 Favorite question? ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-24 2543
106897 Hi teacher~ ±è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-24 3867
106896 Homework (248) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-24 3167
106895 Hi teacher~ ±è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-24 2494
106894 interview question ±Ç*½Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-03-24 0
106893 If you had the chance to change your name, would you do it? Why... ÀÌ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-24 2393
106892 What do you think is the best performing art (music, dance, and... Ȳ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-24 3251
106891 My Doenjang stew. ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-03-24 3

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04