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Social problem

작성자: 이*민
2021-05-06 789

회원님의 영작문

Dear Don,

As I said, These days, Many students kill themselves in Korea. Now, we have a lot of money than the past time, but there is no relationship between human being. When I was young, I had a lot of neighborhoods and friends. but my son have only few friends and no neighborhood. my son communicate his friends by internet and smart phone and game. after finishing these thing, I think they feel loneliness. As I know, there is a little school violence yet. so weak student scares to go school. because of school violence, they kill them selves. that is tragedy. that is a serious social problem now. and we have to solve this problem not to die more people.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Happy TGIF Andrew!

See you later in our class.

T. DON


Dear Don,

As I said, These days, Many students kill themselves in Korea.
>> As I said, These days, Many students kill themselves in Korea.

Now, we have a lot of money than the past time, but there is no relationship between human being.
>> Now, we have a lot of money than the past time, but there is distant relationship between human beings.


When I was young, I had a lot of neighborhoods and friends. but my son have only few friends and no neighborhood. my son communicate his friends by internet and smart phone and game.
>> When I was young, I had a lot of neighborhoods and friends. but my son has a few friends and there were no neighbors. My son communicate his friends by internet and smart phone and through online games.

After finishing these thing, I think they feel loneliness.
>> After finishing these things, I think they feel lonely.

As I know, there is a little school violence yet.
>> As I know, there is just a few incident of school violence.

So weak student scares to go school. because of school violence, they kill them selves. that is tragedy. that is a serious social problem now. and we have to solve this problem not to die more people.
>> So weak students are scared to go to school because of school violence or bullying. They commit suicide. That is a tragedy. That is a serious social problem now and we have to solve this problem to save the lives of the young generation.
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