¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Personally, do you think investing in stocks at an early age is a good investment for young people i

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±Ç*¿ø
2021-05-07 913

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Actually, it depends on people.
If the people who invested in stocks in their 20s have studied stock markets thoroughly, investing in stocks at an early age is encouraged.
But if people who have never studied stock markets want to invest in stocks after listening to people around you, it isn¡¯t encouraged.
Actually, in our world, there aren¡¯t free things.
Every people can get some things as a reward for their hard study.
For studying, if we have studied hard in our childhood, we can go to a good university.
But, if we haven¡¯t studied hard, it is just greed to hope to go to a good university.
Stocks are similar to this case.
If someone haven¡¯t studied hard about stocks, he can¡¯t get a success.
Wanting to success without study is just greed.
Therefore, if we want to get a success, we have to study.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Cleo,

  Thank you for taking time to answer this question. It only proves that you really wanted to improve in your English skill. Please do check and take note of the corrections for your improvement. I hope it helped you. 

Keep up the good work!

Sincerely,
Teacher Annie (^^)



Personally, do you think investing in stocks at an early age is a good investment for young people in their 20s? Explain.

Actually, it depends on people.
>>> Actually, it depends on the person.

If the people who invested in stocks in their 20s have studied stock markets thoroughly, investing in stocks at an early age is encouraged.
>>> If the people who invested have studied stock markets thoroughly, then investing in stocks at an early age such as people in their 20s is encouraged.

But if people who have never studied stock markets want to invest in stocks after listening to people around you, it isn¡¯t encouraged.
>>> But if the people who have never studied stock markets want to invest in stocks just after listening to other people around them, it isn¡¯t encouraged.

Actually, in our world, there aren¡¯t free things.
>>> CORRECT
OR: Actually, in our world, nothing is for free.

Every people can get some things as a reward for their hard study.
>>> Each person can get some things as a reward for their hard work.

For studying, if we have studied hard in our childhood, we can go to a good university.
>>> CORRECT

But, if we haven¡¯t studied hard, it is just greed to hope to go to a good university.
>>> But, if we haven¡¯t studied hard, then it is just too ambitious to hope to enter a good university.

Stocks are similar to this case.
>>> CORRECT

If someone haven¡¯t studied hard about stocks, he can¡¯t get a success.
>>> If someone hasn¡¯t studied hard about stocks, then he can¡¯t get success.
OR: If someone hasn¡¯t studied hard about stocks, then he can¡¯t be successful in it. 

Wanting to success without study is just greed.
>>> Wanting to succeed without studying or hard work is just too ambitious.

Therefore, if we want to get a success, we have to study.
>>> Therefore, if we want to get success, then we have to study hard or we have to work hard for it.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
110744 Are you well-adjusted to urban living? ÇÏ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-11 565
110743 More and more people are finding it increasingly important to... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-10 491
110742 On my business Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-10 425
110741 Homework (311) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-10 337
110740 If you could have a superpower, what superpower would it be and... À±*½Å ¿Ï·á 2021-08-10 466
110739 Do you have a family photo? What is it\'s relevance? ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-10 2
110738 Homework Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-10 419
110737 reading mystery books ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-10 611
110736 What\'s your favorite subject? Why do you like it? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-10 1
110735 ¿µÀÛ ¼÷Á¦ ÀÌ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-10 2
110734 What is the most useful thing that you own and why? ÇÏ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-10 409
110733 The rest of my life ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-10 1
110732 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-10 555
110731 I wants to play a game called Halligalli with my grandmother and... ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-08-10 486
110730 Homework Ç¥*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-10 1
110729 Fill in the blanks ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-10 464
110728 Homework Ç¥*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-10 4
110727 What is the most useful thing that you own and why? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-10 492
110726 What is the best thing about the internet? ye*nhi ¿Ï·á 2021-08-10 1
110725 9th homework Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-10 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04