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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
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Personally, do you think investing in stocks at an early age is a good investment for young people i

작성자: 권*원
2021-05-07 684

회원님의 영작문

Actually, it depends on people.
If the people who invested in stocks in their 20s have studied stock markets thoroughly, investing in stocks at an early age is encouraged.
But if people who have never studied stock markets want to invest in stocks after listening to people around you, it isn’t encouraged.
Actually, in our world, there aren’t free things.
Every people can get some things as a reward for their hard study.
For studying, if we have studied hard in our childhood, we can go to a good university.
But, if we haven’t studied hard, it is just greed to hope to go to a good university.
Stocks are similar to this case.
If someone haven’t studied hard about stocks, he can’t get a success.
Wanting to success without study is just greed.
Therefore, if we want to get a success, we have to study.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello Cleo,

  Thank you for taking time to answer this question. It only proves that you really wanted to improve in your English skill. Please do check and take note of the corrections for your improvement. I hope it helped you. 

Keep up the good work!

Sincerely,
Teacher Annie (^^)



Personally, do you think investing in stocks at an early age is a good investment for young people in their 20s? Explain.

Actually, it depends on people.
>>> Actually, it depends on the person.

If the people who invested in stocks in their 20s have studied stock markets thoroughly, investing in stocks at an early age is encouraged.
>>> If the people who invested have studied stock markets thoroughly, then investing in stocks at an early age such as people in their 20s is encouraged.

But if people who have never studied stock markets want to invest in stocks after listening to people around you, it isn’t encouraged.
>>> But if the people who have never studied stock markets want to invest in stocks just after listening to other people around them, it isn’t encouraged.

Actually, in our world, there aren’t free things.
>>> CORRECT
OR: Actually, in our world, nothing is for free.

Every people can get some things as a reward for their hard study.
>>> Each person can get some things as a reward for their hard work.

For studying, if we have studied hard in our childhood, we can go to a good university.
>>> CORRECT

But, if we haven’t studied hard, it is just greed to hope to go to a good university.
>>> But, if we haven’t studied hard, then it is just too ambitious to hope to enter a good university.

Stocks are similar to this case.
>>> CORRECT

If someone haven’t studied hard about stocks, he can’t get a success.
>>> If someone hasn’t studied hard about stocks, then he can’t get success.
OR: If someone hasn’t studied hard about stocks, then he can’t be successful in it. 

Wanting to success without study is just greed.
>>> Wanting to succeed without studying or hard work is just too ambitious.

Therefore, if we want to get a success, we have to study.
>>> Therefore, if we want to get success, then we have to study hard or we have to work hard for it.
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