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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

continue.. 2-2

작성자: 최*안
2021-05-10 607

회원님의 영작문

My opinion, however, is that all university students should study useful subjects for the future. Perhaps the principal advantage is that since job-hunting is getting harder and harder over the world, majoring skillful subjects will definitely help undergraduates to get opportunities for having a job. Another convincing reason is that as the world is in fourth industrial revolution, it is essential to learn about knowledges that is associated to science and technology. In the meantime, studies about the humanities have achieved in many areas. It is time to focus on investing unknown knowledge such as AI, big data and robot. In light of the above, I find these more persuasive.

In conclusion, it is undeniable that there are a variety of opinions about this topic. However, after considering this matter in a careful manner, I fully support the view that it has more benefit when students in universities study subjects connected to usage in the future for the reasons discussed above.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Ji An,
Thank you for your opinions below.
Have an awesome afternoon!
Teacher Elly.
My opinion, however, is that all university students should study useful subjects for the future.
CORRECT!
or>>But in my opinion, all university students should study subjects that can be useful for them in the future.
Perhaps the principal advantage is that since job-hunting is getting harder and harder over the world, majoring skillful subjects will definitely help undergraduates to get opportunities for having a job. 
>>Perhaps, the principal advantage is that since job-hunting is getting even more difficult than ever all over the world, majoring in subjects that sharpen one's skills will definitely help the undergraduates to have better opportunities in getting a job. 
Another convincing reason is that as the world is in fourth industrial revolution, it is essential to learn about knowledges that is associated to science and technology. 
>>Another convincing reason is that, as the world is into its fourth industrial revolution, it is essential to learn about various knowledge that are associated to science and technology. 
In the meantime, studies about the humanities have achieved in many areas. 
>>In the meantime, studies about humanities have already been achieved in many areas. 
It is time to focus on investing unknown knowledge such as AI, big data and robot. 
>>It is time to focus on investing in unknown fields such as AI, robotics and in handling a huge data . 
In light of the above, I find these more persuasive.
CORRECT!
or>>In reference to the above information, I deem these more persuasive.
In conclusion, it is undeniable that there are a variety of opinions about this topic. 
CORRECT!
or>>In conclusion, it is irrefutable that there are many opinions about this topic.
However, after considering this matter in a careful manner, I fully support the view that it has more benefit when students in universities study subjects connected to usage in the future for the reasons discussed above.
>>However, after considering this matter in a careful manner, I fully support the view that it has more benefits when students in universities study subjects connected to usage in the future for the reasons discussed above.
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전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
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