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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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Do you think that meat is causing some illness to our body?

작성자: 권*원
2021-05-11 414

회원님의 영작문

I think that meat is causing some illness to our body.
Actually, my grandfather had illness from arteriosclerosis in my childhood.
Doctor said his illness from meat.
Since he had eaten meat too much, he had the illness.
From my grandfather, I realized that eating meat too much isn’t good for our body.
On the other hand, Not eating meat at all isn’t good for our body as well.
Actually, the Korean talent ‘Lee ha nee’ said that he became a vegan in two years ago.
She decided not to eat meat at all at that time, but after 2 months, her health became worse.
Doctor said the reason why is because she didn’t eat meat at all for 2 months.
In conclusion, eating meat too much is bad for our body and not eating meat at all is bad as well.
It is good to eat anything in moderation.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello Cleo,

  Thank you for taking time to answer this question. It only proves that you really wanted to improve in your English skill. Please do check and take note of the corrections for your improvement. I hope it helped you. 

Keep up the good work!

Sincerely,
Teacher Annie (^^)
  

Do you think that meat is causing some illness to our body?


I think that meat is causing some illness to our body.
>>> CORRECT

Actually, my grandfather had illness from arteriosclerosis in my childhood.
>>> Actually, my grandfather had an illness called arteriosclerosis in my childhood.

Doctor said his illness from meat.
>>> The doctors said that the cause of the illness is meat. 

Since he had eaten meat too much, he had the illness.
>>> Since he had eaten too much meat, he had the illness.

From my grandfather, I realized that eating meat too much isn’t good for our body.
>>> From that experience of my grandfather, I realized that eating too much meat isn’t good for our body.

On the other hand, Not eating meat at all isn’t good for our body as well.
>>> On the other hand, not eating meat isn’t good for our body as well, it needs balance. 

Actually, the Korean talent ‘Lee ha nee’ said that he became a vegan in two years ago.
>>> Actually, there was a Korean talent named ‘Lee Ha nee’ who said that he became a vegan two years ago.

She decided not to eat meat at all at that time, but after 2 months, her health became worse.
>>> She decided not to eat meat starting that time but after 2 months, her health became worse.

Doctor said the reason why is because she didn’t eat meat at all for 2 months.
>>> The doctors said that the reason for this is because she didn't eat meat for two months. 

In conclusion, eating meat too much is bad for our body and not eating meat at all is bad as well.
>>> In conclusion, eating too much meat is bad for our body and not eating meat is bad as well.

It is good to eat anything in moderation.
>>> CORRECT
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