¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What comes to mind when you hear the phrase \"domestic violence\"? In some countries, domestic viole

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿¬
2021-05-25 484

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Several news recently related to abusing children comes to my mind. There are many types of domestic violence like physical violence, emotional violence and neglect. All types of domestic violence should be prohibited and everybody should have awareness about that. Thankfully, these days many people have consciousness about domestic violence and abusing children. But I think we still have miles to go before everybody has exactly right awareness that all types of domestic violence shouldn't be happend. Therefore, Every goverment should recognize the seriousness about domestic violence and show their movement to change people's awareness and establish a law.
I can't really understand why domestic violence isn't a crime. Every child has the right to live safely and their first place to live is their home. I hope the world where every child live happy without any violence and bad things.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Solyna! ^^
Thank you so much for doing your homework.
Enjoy your weekend! :)

~ Teacher Tricia

Several news recently related to abusing children comes to my mind. 
>> Some news that was recently related to child abuse comes to my mind. 

There are many types of domestic violence like physical violence, emotional violence and neglect. 
>> There are many types of domestic violence like physical violence, emotional violence, and neglect. 

All types of domestic violence should be prohibited and everybody should have awareness about that. 
>> All types of domestic violence should be prohibited and everybody should have awareness of that. 

Thankfully, these days many people have consciousness about domestic violence and abusing children.
>> Thankfully, these days many people have consciousness about domestic violence and child abuse.

But I think we still have miles to go before everybody has exactly right awareness that all types of domestic violence shouldn't be happened. 
>> But I think we still have miles to go before everybody has exactly the right awareness that all types of domestic violence shouldn't happen. 

Therefore, Every goverment should recognize the seriousness about domestic violence and show their movement to change people's awareness and establish a law.
>> Therefore, every government should recognize the seriousness of domestic violence and show their movement to change people's awareness and establish laws about it.

I can't really understand why domestic violence isn't a crime.
>> CORRECT!
OR>> I can't really understand why domestic violence isn't a crime yet.

Every child has the right to live safely and their first place to live is their home. 
>> Every child has the right to live safely and the first place to feel it is their home.

I hope the world where every child live happy without any violence and bad things.
>> I hope the world would be a place where every child lives happily without any violence and bad things.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
110670 What advice would you give to someone with mental health issues? ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-08-09 1
110669 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-08-09 4
110668 8th homework Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-09 1
110667 Homework 9 »ç* ¿Ï·á 2021-08-09 0
110666 Homework 7 »ç* ¿Ï·á 2021-08-09 0
110665 letter ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-09 4
110664 Homework 6 »ç* ¿Ï·á 2021-08-09 2
110663 In Defence of Millennials ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-09 258
110662 If you could have a superpower, what superpower would it be and... È«*Çý ¿Ï·á 2021-08-09 3
110661 Feedback À¯*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-09 3
110660 The reason why I think culture is important ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-09 379
110659 What is the advantage of a four-day work week? ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-09 443
110658 Do you think you can be a good athlete is you are younger? ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-08-09 314
110657 Introduction script in interview ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-09 321
110656 What can you find in a rural area? ÇÏ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-09 303
110655 Homework ¾ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-09 0
110654 Page 9 ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-08-09 397
110653 small talk Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-08 375
110652 What do you think should the government about the homeless... ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-08 485
110651 Day 5 homework ³²*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-08-08 351

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04