¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What comes to mind when you hear the phrase \"domestic violence\"? In some countries, domestic viole

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿¬
2021-05-25 577

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Several news recently related to abusing children comes to my mind. There are many types of domestic violence like physical violence, emotional violence and neglect. All types of domestic violence should be prohibited and everybody should have awareness about that. Thankfully, these days many people have consciousness about domestic violence and abusing children. But I think we still have miles to go before everybody has exactly right awareness that all types of domestic violence shouldn't be happend. Therefore, Every goverment should recognize the seriousness about domestic violence and show their movement to change people's awareness and establish a law.
I can't really understand why domestic violence isn't a crime. Every child has the right to live safely and their first place to live is their home. I hope the world where every child live happy without any violence and bad things.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Solyna! ^^
Thank you so much for doing your homework.
Enjoy your weekend! :)

~ Teacher Tricia

Several news recently related to abusing children comes to my mind. 
>> Some news that was recently related to child abuse comes to my mind. 

There are many types of domestic violence like physical violence, emotional violence and neglect. 
>> There are many types of domestic violence like physical violence, emotional violence, and neglect. 

All types of domestic violence should be prohibited and everybody should have awareness about that. 
>> All types of domestic violence should be prohibited and everybody should have awareness of that. 

Thankfully, these days many people have consciousness about domestic violence and abusing children.
>> Thankfully, these days many people have consciousness about domestic violence and child abuse.

But I think we still have miles to go before everybody has exactly right awareness that all types of domestic violence shouldn't be happened. 
>> But I think we still have miles to go before everybody has exactly the right awareness that all types of domestic violence shouldn't happen. 

Therefore, Every goverment should recognize the seriousness about domestic violence and show their movement to change people's awareness and establish a law.
>> Therefore, every government should recognize the seriousness of domestic violence and show their movement to change people's awareness and establish laws about it.

I can't really understand why domestic violence isn't a crime.
>> CORRECT!
OR>> I can't really understand why domestic violence isn't a crime yet.

Every child has the right to live safely and their first place to live is their home. 
>> Every child has the right to live safely and the first place to feel it is their home.

I hope the world where every child live happy without any violence and bad things.
>> I hope the world would be a place where every child lives happily without any violence and bad things.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
108235 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-06 2
108234 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-06 1
108233 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-06 1
108232 Interview Q ±Ç*½Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-05-06 0
108231 Outgoing personality! Á¤*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-06 652
108230 homework_21.05.04 ÀÌ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-05-06 1
108229 Homework ¾ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-05-06 0
108228 Writing task ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-06 665
108227 Thank you!! ¿ì*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-05-06 5
108226 Thank you so much! ¿ì*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-05-06 5
108225 Hi! Ms Gina! ¿ì*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-05-06 3
108224 Why is English fluency significant for me? ÀÌ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-05-06 918
108223 Homework º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-06 6
108222 What do you think was the most important invention in history? Çã*´Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-05-05 3
108221 What are the rather light topics you have with your friends yet... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-05-05 859
108220 Is it about time that Korea tries to open its pharmaceutical... ±Ç*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-05-05 1375
108219 What is the most unusual thing you¡¯ve ever eaten ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-05-05 726
108218 What would you do if you were homeless ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-05-05 1399
108217 Is promotion at work something you would want or aim for? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-05-05 757
108216 Do you always weigh pros and cons before making a final decision? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-05-05 724

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04