¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

HM

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¼ö
2021-06-04 928

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Q. Would you personally consider adoption as an option for the aging population in your country? Explain your answer.

A. If the meaning of "adoption" is adoption from abroad, it should not be done as an ageing policy. because adoption should be a home specific right. If there are some policy for encourage adoption from abroad, some people adopt children for only social gain without love and responsibility. It cause huge misfortune to child.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Kim,

  Thank you for taking time to answer this question. It only proves that you really wanted to improve in your English skill. Please do check and take note of the corrections for your improvement. I hope it helped you. 

Keep up the good work!

Sincerely,
Teacher Annie (^^)



Q. Would you personally consider adoption as an option for the aging population in your country? Explain your answer.

A. If the meaning of "adoption" is adoption from abroad, it should not be done as an ageing policy. because adoption should be a home specific right. 
>>> If the meaning of "adoption" is adoption from abroad, it should not be done as a solution to the aging population because it should be home-specific. 

If there are some policy for encourage adoption from abroad, some people adopt children for only social gain without love and responsibility. 
>>> If there are some policies for encouraging adoption from abroad, then some people adopt children for social gain alone without love and responsibility. 

It cause huge misfortune to child.
>>> In that case, it causes huge misfortune to the child. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
111501 What will you do if yo cannot really beat your deadline or you... ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 2
111500 My desk ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 1
111499 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 429
111498 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 1
111497 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 1
111496 Homework ³²*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 417
111495 homework & speaking part-1 answer ½Å*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 2
111494 homework À±*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 3
111493 Writing on Skype.. ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 403
111492 Writing on Skype.. ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 440
111491 homework À±*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 2
111490 Writing on Skype.. ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 460
111489 Air Polution Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 629
111488 Writing on Skype.. ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 445
111487 Clouds ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 463
111486 homework À±*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 0
111485 Fill in the blanks ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 386
111484 Homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 377
111483 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 423
111482 Who do you think was the best president of South Korea and why? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04