¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

HM

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¼ö
2021-06-04 673

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Q. Would you personally consider adoption as an option for the aging population in your country? Explain your answer.

A. If the meaning of "adoption" is adoption from abroad, it should not be done as an ageing policy. because adoption should be a home specific right. If there are some policy for encourage adoption from abroad, some people adopt children for only social gain without love and responsibility. It cause huge misfortune to child.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Kim,

  Thank you for taking time to answer this question. It only proves that you really wanted to improve in your English skill. Please do check and take note of the corrections for your improvement. I hope it helped you. 

Keep up the good work!

Sincerely,
Teacher Annie (^^)



Q. Would you personally consider adoption as an option for the aging population in your country? Explain your answer.

A. If the meaning of "adoption" is adoption from abroad, it should not be done as an ageing policy. because adoption should be a home specific right. 
>>> If the meaning of "adoption" is adoption from abroad, it should not be done as a solution to the aging population because it should be home-specific. 

If there are some policy for encourage adoption from abroad, some people adopt children for only social gain without love and responsibility. 
>>> If there are some policies for encouraging adoption from abroad, then some people adopt children for social gain alone without love and responsibility. 

It cause huge misfortune to child.
>>> In that case, it causes huge misfortune to the child. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
109404 Mood-boosting activities ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-15 2
109403 What would you say is the best thing about getting older? Why? ÀÌ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-15 311
109402 Is voting an important responsibility of a citizen? Why or why... ÀÌ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-15 438
109401 There are four seasons in Korea. ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-15 356
109400 What would you say is the best thing about getting older? Why? ÃÖ*¿Á ¿Ï·á 2021-06-15 0
109399 Gossiping people Á¶*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-15 2
109398 How do you describe a perfect weekend? ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-06-15 309
109397 Fill in the blanks ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-06-15 341
109396 McDonald\'s BTS-meal frenzy sparks virus closures in Indonesia ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-06-15 281
109395 Tigers are endangered in our country! ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-06-15 311
109394 Homework ½É*»ó ¿Ï·á 2021-06-15 333
109393 What would you say is the best thing about getting older? Why? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-15 349
109392 Tuesday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-06-15 265
109391 Why do you usually do a half at work? ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-15 360
109390 Home work ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-06-15 322
109389 What is your favourite day of the week? Why? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-15 1
109388 Why is it important to know future weather conditions in advance? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-15 2
109387 Homework. ÀÓ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-15 311
109386 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-15 2
109385 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-15 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04