¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

HM

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¼ö
2021-06-04 889

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Q. Would you personally consider adoption as an option for the aging population in your country? Explain your answer.

A. If the meaning of "adoption" is adoption from abroad, it should not be done as an ageing policy. because adoption should be a home specific right. If there are some policy for encourage adoption from abroad, some people adopt children for only social gain without love and responsibility. It cause huge misfortune to child.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Kim,

  Thank you for taking time to answer this question. It only proves that you really wanted to improve in your English skill. Please do check and take note of the corrections for your improvement. I hope it helped you. 

Keep up the good work!

Sincerely,
Teacher Annie (^^)



Q. Would you personally consider adoption as an option for the aging population in your country? Explain your answer.

A. If the meaning of "adoption" is adoption from abroad, it should not be done as an ageing policy. because adoption should be a home specific right. 
>>> If the meaning of "adoption" is adoption from abroad, it should not be done as a solution to the aging population because it should be home-specific. 

If there are some policy for encourage adoption from abroad, some people adopt children for only social gain without love and responsibility. 
>>> If there are some policies for encouraging adoption from abroad, then some people adopt children for social gain alone without love and responsibility. 

It cause huge misfortune to child.
>>> In that case, it causes huge misfortune to the child. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
108932 Homework Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-28 539
108931 HOMEWORK Àü*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-28 623
108930 prefer taking shower or bath? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-05-28 542
108929 Homework ¹Ú*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-05-28 719
108928 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-05-28 3
108927 WRITING TASK: Please explain this Chinese Proverb, ¡°The gem... ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-28 1
108926 writing check up ¾È*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-28 1
108925 Homework ÀÓ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-28 830
108924 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-28 1
108923 Task ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-28 1026
108922 HOMEWORK ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-05-28 708
108921 HOMEWORK ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-05-28 980
108920 today\'s homework ÀÓ*ÃÑ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-28 563
108919 HOMEWORK ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-05-28 516
108918 HOMEWORK ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-05-28 558
108917 HM-3 ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-05-27 646
108916 Do you share photos on social media? Why? ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-05-27 3
108915 Would you rather be a very rich person with no serious... ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-27 818
108914 Homework (292) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-27 611
108913 Do you find \"competent workers\" as a threat to you? À¯*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-27 464

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04