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What do you think should the government of South Korea focus on?

작성자: 류*주
2021-06-07 499

회원님의 영작문

I think nowadays, the goverment of South Korea is so much focusing on the education.
In the South Korea, a lot of people including students and parents are so much focusing on the education.
They think study is the only way that we can succeed, and they don't look at different ways.
They think the right way is study, but I think its not true.
Yea, a lot of people who learned and know a lot of knowledge succeeded very easly.
But they know only important knowledge, and they succeded, but we are trying to study more.
We need just few knowledge, not the all knowledge that human knows.
So I think goverment of South Korea has to focus to the education that study is not the all of our entire life.
If it does it, a lot of people will get a lot of jobs, and the economy of the South Korea will be improved.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi John!

Governments in emerging economies have, over the decades, tried many different policy agendas to stimulate development, accelerate growth, alleviate poverty, and achieve any number of other goals to mixed success. Nowadays, the urgent problem is regarding the pandemic. They work really hard on how to improve their country and their people as well. Your ideas are great. Thanks for sharing. :) 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

I think nowadays, the goverment of South Korea is so much focusing on the education.
>> I think nowadays, the government of South Korea should focus more on education.

In the South Korea, a lot of people including students and parents are so much focusing on the education.
>> In South Korea, there are a lot of families focusing on education. 

They think study is the only way that we can succeed, and they don't look at different ways.
>> They think that education is the only way a person can be successful and there's no other way. 

They think the right way is study, but I think its not true.
>> They think the right way is to study, but I think it's not true.

Yea, a lot of people who learned and know a lot of knowledge succeeded very easly.
>> Indeed, there are a lot of people who become successful because they studied really hard. 

But they know only important knowledge, and they succeded, but we are trying to study more.
>> They think that success depends on a person's knowledge that's why we need to study more. 

We need just few knowledge, not the all knowledge that human knows.
>> We just need to know a few things not everything. 

So I think goverment of South Korea has to focus to the education that study is not the all of our entire life.
>> I think that the government of South Korea should change the stereotype education should not be the only thing we have to depend on when it comes to success. 

If it does it, a lot of people will get a lot of jobs, and the economy of the South Korea will be improved.
>> If this happens, a lot of people will get jobs and the economy of South Korea will improve. 

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