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영작교정 게시판

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Some people believe that individuals are becoming more and more dependent on each other, where as ot

작성자: 황*하
2021-06-14 517

회원님의 영작문

I think that people are becoming more dependent but they feel lonely. The family have became smaller than before and there are more people who are not planning to get married. Many people prefer to live alone because they don't want to be bothered by children and a partner. So, people have learnt cooking, cleaning and doing laundry by themselves. This is positive aspects because they can do anything without parents. However, there are a lot of free time and they don't know what they have to do, especially on weekends. Although, there are a lot of online clubs which are gathered the same interests, we can't enjoy it fully when we have joined there because members in the clubs are not their family and friends who have been known for a long time. I guess that human would like to have close people such as family ultimately.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi there Mr. Hwang~! ^^ It's so gloomy here. I have blues now. Anyway, I'm still awesome! Hahaha! How's your day going? Tell me tomorrow! :D See you!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
I think that people are becoming more independent but they feel lonely. 
>>> CORRECT
The family have became smaller than before and there are more people who are not planning to get married.
>>> CORRECT
Many people prefer to live alone because they don't want to be bothered by children and their partner.
>>> CORRECT
 So, people have learnt cooking, cleaning and doing laundry by themselves.
>>> CORRECT
 This is positive aspects because they can do anything without parents.
>>>  These are positive aspects because they can do anything without their parents.
 However, there are a lot of free time and they don't know what they have to do, especially on weekends. 
>>> CORRECT
Although, there are a lot of online clubs which are gathered the same interests, we can't enjoy it fully when we have joined there because members in the clubs are not their family and friends who have been known for a long time.
>>> Although, there are a lot of online clubs which gather the same interests. We can't enjoy it fully when we join on it because members in the clubs are not family members and friends who they have known for a long time.
 I guess that human would like to have close people such as family ultimately.
>>> CORRECT
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첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
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03
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