¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think change is good? Why or why not?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2021-06-14 548

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think the only change is good, but I think too much fast change is not a good thing.
Change is obvious thing that all of creatures have.
We have to change becuase the world s changing, and also we have to change because our environment is changing.
But we, humans are changing so fast because of developement of science.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John! ^^

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

I think the only change is good, but I think too much fast change is not a good thing.
>> I think that change is good but too much change isn't.

Change is obvious thing that all of creatures have.
>> Change is an obvious thing that happens to everyone. 

We have to change becuase the world s changing, and also we have to change because our environment is changing.
>> We have to change because the world is changing as well. And also. we have to adapt to the changing environment. 

But we, humans are changing so fast because of developement of science.
>> But humans are changing a lot of things as well because of the development of Science. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
111467 e-mail correction ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 2
111466 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 1
111465 planning of America ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 457
111464 Where would you like to visit someday? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 520
111463 Homework ¾ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 0
111462 What\'s the most difficult English skill for you? ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 559
111461 Homework(*^U^*) Á¤*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 515
111460 What my mom will cook in my birthday ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 681
111459 Which among the 10 Finnish innovations has the least use? ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-31 1
111458 what is better to have? ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-31 536
111457 What do you think are the qualities of a good leader? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-31 433
111456 Writing task: Who is a better cook, your mother or your... Á¶*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-31 0
111455 South Korea sends back 1 unidentified Afghan during evacuation :... À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-31 1
111454 13 ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-31 602
111453 I Think a Singapore has cleanest air Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-31 674
111452 HOME is house with family ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-31 391
111451 8.31 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-31 2
111450 ¼÷Á¦ ±è*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-31 602
111449 Shakespear\'s invented Words À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-31 1
111448 Do you have any tips for making air travel more enjoyable? ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-31 448

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04