¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What Korean policy/law do you think should be removed?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*¿ø
2021-06-17 324

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think should be removed korean law that if criminal drink alcoholic reduce sentence. because I don¡¯t understand why reduced sentence what criminal don¡¯t control yourself.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi  Won! ^^

That's true! There's actually a saying that "You should drink responsibly". People should not drink too much and use it as an excuse when they commit crimes. I hope this law will be removed as well. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

I think should be removed korean law that if criminal drink alcoholic reduce sentence. 
>> I think the rule about reducing the sentence of drunk criminals should be removed. 

because I don¡¯t understand why reduced sentence what criminal don¡¯t control yourself.
>> It's because I don't know why it should be reduces since they are the ones who can't control themselves. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
109053 My personality ÁÖ*³ª ¿Ï·á 2021-06-02 1
109052 Um...I don\'t know... ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-06-02 495
109051 Make cantences ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-06-02 453
109050 Homework {06/02} Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-06-02 345
109049 Are you good at beating deadlines? ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-02 321
109048 What are some of your good habits? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-02 368
109047 Wednesday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-06-02 328
109046 How would you describe your English communication skills? ÃÖ*¿Á ¿Ï·á 2021-06-02 0
109045 Would you rather give money to beggars or buskers? Why?(Buskers... ÃÖ*¿Á ¿Ï·á 2021-06-02 0
109044 What are some of your good habits? ÃÖ*¿Á ¿Ï·á 2021-06-02 0
109043 about your best choice for the Covid Vaccine and why you think... ¿À*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-02 358
109042 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-02 367
109041 What are some of your good habits? Çã*´Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-06-02 1
109040 Would you rather give money to beggars or buskers? Çã*´Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-06-02 0
109039 Every year several languages die out. Some people think that... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-02 431
109038 HOMEWORK ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-06-02 462
109037 What are the benefits of reading a book? ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-06-02 495
109036 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-06-02 2
109035 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-02 1
109034 what are the things you put inside your sports bag? ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-06-02 510

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04