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영작교정 게시판

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서비스 입니다.

When a person spends most of his or her time working a job with little job satisfaction, their life

작성자: 황*하
2021-06-18 474

회원님의 영작문

In my experience, I didn't choose my major on my aptitude. I chose it according to the entrance exam score even though, I have been tested my talent in the high school. I guess that most people in Korea choose their job regardless of their goals and talents because there are few job offers from major company whose most people would like to join. We are living under too competitive society so people want to get a stable jobs that don't need to worry about loosing their job in the future. As a result, public servants are the most preferable jobs among the job seekers. I think all people can't satisfy with their jobs. So I think that we have to find what we like and do it after work. For example, exercise can make people relief their stress and then, they can put their efforts at the company. Some people get a job to achieve their goals in their life but others think that jobs are just a way of making money. Every jobs are also valuable so if we consider our position as essential pa

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi there Mr. Hwang! You surprised me by doing all your homework! Anyways, questions are becoming boring hahaha but based on reality! Enjoy answering!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
In my experience, I didn't choose my major on my aptitude. 
>>> Based on my experience, I didn't choose my major on my aptitude. 
I chose it according to the entrance exam score even though, I have been tested my talent in the high school. 
>>> I chose it according to the entrance exam score even though, I have already been discovering my talent in high school. 
I guess that most people in Korea choose their job regardless of their goals and talents because there are  few job offers from major company whose most people would like to join.
>>> I guess that most people in Korea choose their job regardless of their goals and talents because there are a few job offers from major companies wherein most people would like to join.
 We are living under too competitive society so people want to get a stable jobs that don't need to worry about loosing their job in the future. 
>>>  We are living under too competitive society so people want to get stable jobs which will not let them worry about loosing their job in the future. 
As a result, public servants are the most preferable jobs among job seekers.
>>> CORRECT
 I think all people can't satisfy with their jobs. 
>>>  I think all people aren't satisfied with their jobs. 
So I think that we have to find what we like and do it after work. 
>>> CORRECT
For example, exercise can make people relief their stress and then, they can put their efforts at the company.
>>> CORRECT
 Some people get a job to achieve their goals in their life but others think that working is just a way of making money.
>>> CORRECT
 Every jobs are also valuable so if we consider our position as essential pa
>>>  Every job is also valuable so if we consider our position as essential pa...
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