¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homewokr

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*¹ü
2021-06-21 528

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Medical science should take credit for the longevity.

Longevity is blessing but it brings about several anxious.

First, we have to worry about the problem of finance.

As order, income decreases and it is difficult to find job.

So many people learn financial technology.

Second We have to worry about the desease.

An old men might contract a desease easily.

So many people are interest in medical treatment system.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Chris!  Thank you for taking the time to express your idea about this topic. ^^
T. Irene
Medical science should take credit for the longevity.
>>> Correct. 
Longevity is blessing but it brings about several anxious.
>>> Longevity is a blessing but it brings about several problems.
First, we have to worry about the problem of finance.
>>> First, we have to worry about finances.
As order, income decreases and it is difficult to find job.
>>> These days, many people lost a lot of their income and for others, it's hard to find a job. 
So many people learn financial technology.
>>> So many people have to manage their finances. 
Second We have to worry about the desease.
>>> Second, we have to worry about diseases.
An old men might contract a desease easily.
>>> Old people are at high risk to get sick because of their age. 
So many people are interest in medical treatment system.
>>> So, many people are dependent on the medical treatment system. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
111187 Can you be happy if you are poor? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-24 1
111186 In your opinion, what are the pros and cons of studying at home? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-24 400
111185 Rainy day Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-24 602
111184 How old are you? ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-24 1
111183 Tuesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-24 366
111182 Homework Àü*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-24 325
111181 Nowadays employment options are changing and employees cannot... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-24 342
111180 If you were a medical student during the time of the pandemic,... Á¤*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-24 358
111179 17th homewokr Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-24 3
111178 Homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-08-24 2
111177 Writing task: What are the best ways to make a good first... Á¶*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-24 2
111176 Things for School ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-24 399
111175 e-mail correction ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-24 3
111174 Do you think you will live until a ripe old age? Why or why not? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-24 0
111173 Homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-24 459
111172 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-08-24 8
111171 21/08/24 ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-24 469
111170 Korea to consider animals not things À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-24 2
111169 In your opinion, what are the pros and cons of studying at home? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-24 0
111168 The Changeable Trend In Real Estate Brokerage È«*Çý ¿Ï·á 2021-08-24 401

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04