¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you want to include in your ideal fitness program?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Çö
2021-06-23 233

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

It is important topic to me. I care my health more than my friends do it.
I have take several food supplements for about ten years.
My ideal fitness program must have both enrich nutrition diet and regular physical activity.
Nutrition balanced diet make energy to do anythings.
Regularly exercising make strength to maintain conditions.
Therefore, I try to have meals on time at thrice a day.
However, it is quite hard, Because modern people don't have a enough time.
In addition to, I go to the gym as well as have a personal training at least thrice a day.
It make my physical strength high. So I can enjoy a day entirely.
Both are important. But many people miss that.
I usually worried their health, So I recommend my ideal fitness program for family and friends including you.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Kang!

It's good to read your composition today.  I hope you always take note of your mistakes and be familiar with English grammar.  Your errors are your stepping stones in learning the language.  You can do it! ^^


-T. Maine


It is important topic to me. I care my health more than my friends do it.

>>It is an important topic to me.  I take care of my health more than my friends do.
 I have take several food supplements for about ten years.

>>I have taken several food supplements for almost ten years.
 My ideal fitness program must have both enrich nutrition diet and regular physical activity.

>>My ideal fitness program must have both enriched nutritious diet and regular physical activities.
 Nutrition balanced diet make energy to do anythings.

>>Having a nutritious balanced diet makes me energetic.
 Regularly exercising make strength to maintain conditions.

>>A regular exercise makes me strong and maintain my body in good condition.
 Therefore, I try to have meals on time at thrice a day. 

>>Therefore, I keep in mind to have my meals thrice a day.
 However, it is quite hard, Because modern people don't have a enough time.

>>However, it is quite hard because people nowadays are always busy.
 In addition to, I go to the gym as well as have a personal training at least thrice a day.

>>In addition to this, I go to the gym as well as have a personal training at least thrice a day.
 It make my physical strength high. So I can enjoy a day entirely.

>>It makes me dynamic so I can enjoy my day.
 Both are important. But many people miss that.

>>Both are important, but many people still miss doing them.
 I usually worried their health, So I recommend my ideal fitness program for family and friends including you.

>>I am usually worried about my family and friends' health.  So I recommend my ideal fitness program to them including you.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
109462 The most livable in my country ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-17 1
109461 Fill in the blanks ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-06-17 282
109460 Homework Ç¥*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-17 4
109459 I want to be a cat! Among the small ones. ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-06-17 261
109458 What Korean policy/law do you think should be removed? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-17 302
109457 What do you consider in buying a house or apartment? ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-06-17 300
109456 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-06-17 282
109455 What do you need to do, so you could do a half day at work? ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-17 307
109454 HW ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-06-17 0
109453 What Korean policy/law do you think should be removed? ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-06-17 288
109452 Do you want to work on weekends? Why or why not? ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-06-17 345
109451 Do you think it is important to wear fashionable clothes? Why or... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-17 1
109450 What Korean policy/law do you think should be removed? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-06-17 0
109449 Man fined for running unauthorized school teaching US curriculum À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-06-17 1
109448 What are the pros and cons of keeping a pet? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-17 1
109447 What makes your city more special than the other ones in South... ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-17 309
109446 How important is music to you? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-17 2
109445 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-06-17 2
109444 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-17 1
109443 Do you agree that Korean elderly are becoming increasingly... Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-17 265

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04