¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you want to include in your ideal fitness program?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Çö
2021-06-23 398

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

It is important topic to me. I care my health more than my friends do it.
I have take several food supplements for about ten years.
My ideal fitness program must have both enrich nutrition diet and regular physical activity.
Nutrition balanced diet make energy to do anythings.
Regularly exercising make strength to maintain conditions.
Therefore, I try to have meals on time at thrice a day.
However, it is quite hard, Because modern people don't have a enough time.
In addition to, I go to the gym as well as have a personal training at least thrice a day.
It make my physical strength high. So I can enjoy a day entirely.
Both are important. But many people miss that.
I usually worried their health, So I recommend my ideal fitness program for family and friends including you.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Kang!

It's good to read your composition today.  I hope you always take note of your mistakes and be familiar with English grammar.  Your errors are your stepping stones in learning the language.  You can do it! ^^


-T. Maine


It is important topic to me. I care my health more than my friends do it.

>>It is an important topic to me.  I take care of my health more than my friends do.
 I have take several food supplements for about ten years.

>>I have taken several food supplements for almost ten years.
 My ideal fitness program must have both enrich nutrition diet and regular physical activity.

>>My ideal fitness program must have both enriched nutritious diet and regular physical activities.
 Nutrition balanced diet make energy to do anythings.

>>Having a nutritious balanced diet makes me energetic.
 Regularly exercising make strength to maintain conditions.

>>A regular exercise makes me strong and maintain my body in good condition.
 Therefore, I try to have meals on time at thrice a day. 

>>Therefore, I keep in mind to have my meals thrice a day.
 However, it is quite hard, Because modern people don't have a enough time.

>>However, it is quite hard because people nowadays are always busy.
 In addition to, I go to the gym as well as have a personal training at least thrice a day.

>>In addition to this, I go to the gym as well as have a personal training at least thrice a day.
 It make my physical strength high. So I can enjoy a day entirely.

>>It makes me dynamic so I can enjoy my day.
 Both are important. But many people miss that.

>>Both are important, but many people still miss doing them.
 I usually worried their health, So I recommend my ideal fitness program for family and friends including you.

>>I am usually worried about my family and friends' health.  So I recommend my ideal fitness program to them including you.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
108661 My car ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-19 2
108660 Do you think sending your loved ones to nursing homes is a kind... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-19 684
108659 What kind of person do you think is likely to be successful in... ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-19 1
108658 What movie would you like to be a star in and why? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-05-19 2
108657 Wednesday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-05-19 701
108656 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-19 682
108655 Do you like going on an outing with friends and family? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-05-19 1032
108654 What are the ways to take good care of our eyes? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-19 3
108653 What are the positive impacts of the COVID-19 pandemic? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-19 1
108652 What does a person\'s age tell us? What do we know about a... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-19 673
108651 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-05-19 1
108650 Do you think sending your loved ones to nursing homes is a kind... ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-19 660
108649 If public transportation were free, would you use it more? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-19 1
108648 Home work(5.17) ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-05-19 812
108647 What do you think of space tourism? ÀÌ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-05-19 663
108646 Today\'s homework ÀÓ*ÃÑ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-19 611
108645 Seoul mulls drinking ban along Han River À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-05-19 1
108644 Tired of waiting, some Koreans mull COVID-19 shot trip to the US À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-05-19 1
108643 My homework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-05-19 761
108642 My homework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-05-19 1184

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04