¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you want to include in your ideal fitness program?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Çö
2021-06-23 405

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

It is important topic to me. I care my health more than my friends do it.
I have take several food supplements for about ten years.
My ideal fitness program must have both enrich nutrition diet and regular physical activity.
Nutrition balanced diet make energy to do anythings.
Regularly exercising make strength to maintain conditions.
Therefore, I try to have meals on time at thrice a day.
However, it is quite hard, Because modern people don't have a enough time.
In addition to, I go to the gym as well as have a personal training at least thrice a day.
It make my physical strength high. So I can enjoy a day entirely.
Both are important. But many people miss that.
I usually worried their health, So I recommend my ideal fitness program for family and friends including you.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Kang!

It's good to read your composition today.  I hope you always take note of your mistakes and be familiar with English grammar.  Your errors are your stepping stones in learning the language.  You can do it! ^^


-T. Maine


It is important topic to me. I care my health more than my friends do it.

>>It is an important topic to me.  I take care of my health more than my friends do.
 I have take several food supplements for about ten years.

>>I have taken several food supplements for almost ten years.
 My ideal fitness program must have both enrich nutrition diet and regular physical activity.

>>My ideal fitness program must have both enriched nutritious diet and regular physical activities.
 Nutrition balanced diet make energy to do anythings.

>>Having a nutritious balanced diet makes me energetic.
 Regularly exercising make strength to maintain conditions.

>>A regular exercise makes me strong and maintain my body in good condition.
 Therefore, I try to have meals on time at thrice a day. 

>>Therefore, I keep in mind to have my meals thrice a day.
 However, it is quite hard, Because modern people don't have a enough time.

>>However, it is quite hard because people nowadays are always busy.
 In addition to, I go to the gym as well as have a personal training at least thrice a day.

>>In addition to this, I go to the gym as well as have a personal training at least thrice a day.
 It make my physical strength high. So I can enjoy a day entirely.

>>It makes me dynamic so I can enjoy my day.
 Both are important. But many people miss that.

>>Both are important, but many people still miss doing them.
 I usually worried their health, So I recommend my ideal fitness program for family and friends including you.

>>I am usually worried about my family and friends' health.  So I recommend my ideal fitness program to them including you.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
108576 Can manners affect your success in life? How? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-17 1
108575 Monday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-05-17 729
108574 Collection ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-17 2
108573 homework ÀÌ* ¿Ï·á 2021-05-17 632
108572 Homework ±è*³ª ¿Ï·á 2021-05-17 794
108571 If a person steals a loaf of bread because he needs to feed his... Çã*´Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-05-17 3
108570 How do you order food in English? ÀÌ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-17 667
108569 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-05-17 1
108568 Do you prefer spending time with your family or friends? What... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-17 853
108567 My homework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-05-17 570
108566 What did you do last weekend? ÀÌ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-17 698
108565 Homework ÀÓ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-17 694
108564 what makes you happy ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-05-17 715
108563 Home work(5.14) ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-05-17 583
108562 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-17 1
108561 task ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-17 629
108560 Homework ¹Ú*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-05-17 700
108559 If a person steals a loaf of bread because he needs to feed his... ±è*¿­ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-17 809
108558 Safety and Design ¾È*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-16 2
108557 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-16 708

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04