¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

If you retire in the future, what do you think would your life be like?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2021-06-24 647

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

My dream is rapper and if I made my dream comes true, I will be use my money for the poor.
Yea, I have to think about my life first but if I am rapper, I will earn money a lot.
And I don't need a lot of money like that in my life so I will use the money for the poor.
If I use my money for the poor, a lot of people will emulate me and a lot of people will use their money for the poor.
And all of the people who are in this world will be happy and there will be no more poor people.
If I do that, after, I will write a lot of books.
There will be a lot of students and some students will have no confident about their future.
But I lived my life very long time and I will know about the life so I will write the books about the life.
And I will hope that books can be help for the students, and I will restin my house the rest of my life.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John ! ^^

That's very generous of you to think. You are very humble and selfless. Your parents are going to be very proud of you :) 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

My dream is rapper and if I made my dream comes true, I will be use my money for the poor.
>>My dream is to be a rapper. When that comes true, I will use my hard earned money to help the poor. 

Yea, I have to think about my life first but if I am rapper, I will earn money a lot.
>> I think that if I become a rapper, I will earn a lot of money. 

And I don't need a lot of money like that in my life so I will use the money for the poor.
>> I don't need a lot of money in my life so I will just use it to help the poor. 

If I use my money for the poor, a lot of people will emulate me and a lot of people will use their money for the poor.
>> If I do this, a lot of people will emulate me and help the poor as well. 

And all of the people who are in this world will be happy and there will be no more poor people.
>> If this happens, everyone in the world will be happy and there will be no more poor people. 

If I do that, after, I will write a lot of books.
>> After doing that, I will write a lot of books. 

There will be a lot of students and some students will have no confident about their future.
>> There will be a lot of students who will read this, especially the ones who don't have confidence in their future. 

But I lived my life very long time and I will know about the life so I will write the books about the life.
>> I will write about my life as well. 

And I will hope that books can be help for the students, and I will restin my house the rest of my life.
>> I hope the books that I will write will help the students in need. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
113038 Beautiful photo to painting ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-19 442
113037 What is your dream car? ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-19 639
113036 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-19 533
113035 What are your bad behaviors and how are you going to change them? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-19 0
113034 1019 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-19 507
113033 homework ½É*»ó ¿Ï·á 2021-10-19 431
113032 Busy ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-19 1
113031 homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-19 471
113030 Homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-19 691
113029 What do you prefer when you\'re studying, a small room, an open... ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-19 1
113028 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-19 1
113027 Tuesday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-19 483
113026 Describe your best friends. How do they look like? What are... ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-19 4
113025 16 ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-19 474
113024 24 ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-19 423
113023 20 ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-19 587
113022 homework Æí*ö ¿Ï·á 2021-10-19 462
113021 My hair ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-19 514
113020 home work ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-19 617
113019 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-19 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04