¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

If you retire in the future, what do you think would your life be like?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2021-06-24 623

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

My dream is rapper and if I made my dream comes true, I will be use my money for the poor.
Yea, I have to think about my life first but if I am rapper, I will earn money a lot.
And I don't need a lot of money like that in my life so I will use the money for the poor.
If I use my money for the poor, a lot of people will emulate me and a lot of people will use their money for the poor.
And all of the people who are in this world will be happy and there will be no more poor people.
If I do that, after, I will write a lot of books.
There will be a lot of students and some students will have no confident about their future.
But I lived my life very long time and I will know about the life so I will write the books about the life.
And I will hope that books can be help for the students, and I will restin my house the rest of my life.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John ! ^^

That's very generous of you to think. You are very humble and selfless. Your parents are going to be very proud of you :) 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

My dream is rapper and if I made my dream comes true, I will be use my money for the poor.
>>My dream is to be a rapper. When that comes true, I will use my hard earned money to help the poor. 

Yea, I have to think about my life first but if I am rapper, I will earn money a lot.
>> I think that if I become a rapper, I will earn a lot of money. 

And I don't need a lot of money like that in my life so I will use the money for the poor.
>> I don't need a lot of money in my life so I will just use it to help the poor. 

If I use my money for the poor, a lot of people will emulate me and a lot of people will use their money for the poor.
>> If I do this, a lot of people will emulate me and help the poor as well. 

And all of the people who are in this world will be happy and there will be no more poor people.
>> If this happens, everyone in the world will be happy and there will be no more poor people. 

If I do that, after, I will write a lot of books.
>> After doing that, I will write a lot of books. 

There will be a lot of students and some students will have no confident about their future.
>> There will be a lot of students who will read this, especially the ones who don't have confidence in their future. 

But I lived my life very long time and I will know about the life so I will write the books about the life.
>> I will write about my life as well. 

And I will hope that books can be help for the students, and I will restin my house the rest of my life.
>> I hope the books that I will write will help the students in need. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
112850 What does it take to keep an eye on something well? (What it... ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 498
112849 What characteristics should we look for in a candidate who is... ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 431
112848 What are some of the things that you do not give as gifts in... ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 1
112847 Would you always care to fulfill the requests of your family and... ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 658
112846 What do you think of when you listen to music? ·ù*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-14 454
112845 ¼÷Á¦ ±è*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 434
112844 What sports do most people in your country enjoy? ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 1
112843 HOMEWORK: Is there a special gift you like to get? ¼Õ*Çü ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 1
112842 My biggest fear ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 482
112841 10.13 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 1
112840 What part of your high school life do you want to repeat? ±è*¹¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 825
112839 Hi Kate! ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 3
112838 What did you like best about elementary school? ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 3
112837 Electricity ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 465
112836 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 544
112835 Sometimes I\'m obidient boy sometimes I\'m not. ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 504
112834 The best worst job ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 1
112833 ¼÷Á¦ ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 716
112832 July in korea it is summer time however in australian it is... À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 1
112831 writing ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 468

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04