¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

If you retire in the future, what do you think would your life be like?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2021-06-24 540

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

My dream is rapper and if I made my dream comes true, I will be use my money for the poor.
Yea, I have to think about my life first but if I am rapper, I will earn money a lot.
And I don't need a lot of money like that in my life so I will use the money for the poor.
If I use my money for the poor, a lot of people will emulate me and a lot of people will use their money for the poor.
And all of the people who are in this world will be happy and there will be no more poor people.
If I do that, after, I will write a lot of books.
There will be a lot of students and some students will have no confident about their future.
But I lived my life very long time and I will know about the life so I will write the books about the life.
And I will hope that books can be help for the students, and I will restin my house the rest of my life.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John ! ^^

That's very generous of you to think. You are very humble and selfless. Your parents are going to be very proud of you :) 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

My dream is rapper and if I made my dream comes true, I will be use my money for the poor.
>>My dream is to be a rapper. When that comes true, I will use my hard earned money to help the poor. 

Yea, I have to think about my life first but if I am rapper, I will earn money a lot.
>> I think that if I become a rapper, I will earn a lot of money. 

And I don't need a lot of money like that in my life so I will use the money for the poor.
>> I don't need a lot of money in my life so I will just use it to help the poor. 

If I use my money for the poor, a lot of people will emulate me and a lot of people will use their money for the poor.
>> If I do this, a lot of people will emulate me and help the poor as well. 

And all of the people who are in this world will be happy and there will be no more poor people.
>> If this happens, everyone in the world will be happy and there will be no more poor people. 

If I do that, after, I will write a lot of books.
>> After doing that, I will write a lot of books. 

There will be a lot of students and some students will have no confident about their future.
>> There will be a lot of students who will read this, especially the ones who don't have confidence in their future. 

But I lived my life very long time and I will know about the life so I will write the books about the life.
>> I will write about my life as well. 

And I will hope that books can be help for the students, and I will restin my house the rest of my life.
>> I hope the books that I will write will help the students in need. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
112274 Were you afraid of anything when you were a child? What was it? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 1
112273 Homework ¹æ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 825
112272 If you can make a rule in your school, what would it be and why? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 845
112271 What do you think can depress kids nowadays? ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 1
112270 Tuesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 525
112269 Homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 503
112268 Medicine ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 569
112267 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 3
112266 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 1
112265 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 1
112264 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 1
112263 Howework ±Ç*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 1
112262 Is it good to experience difficulties in life? ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 569
112261 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 0
112260 If you can make a law, what would it be and why? ±è*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 604
112259 More Vaccinated Koreans Plan Overseas Travel À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 1
112258 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 2
112257 Do you usually watch movies at the theater or watch them at home? ¾ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 1
112256 e-mail correction ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 1
112255 Homework ½É*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 3

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04