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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

If you retire in the future, what do you think would your life be like?

작성자: 류*주
2021-06-24 460

회원님의 영작문

My dream is rapper and if I made my dream comes true, I will be use my money for the poor.
Yea, I have to think about my life first but if I am rapper, I will earn money a lot.
And I don't need a lot of money like that in my life so I will use the money for the poor.
If I use my money for the poor, a lot of people will emulate me and a lot of people will use their money for the poor.
And all of the people who are in this world will be happy and there will be no more poor people.
If I do that, after, I will write a lot of books.
There will be a lot of students and some students will have no confident about their future.
But I lived my life very long time and I will know about the life so I will write the books about the life.
And I will hope that books can be help for the students, and I will restin my house the rest of my life.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi John ! ^^

That's very generous of you to think. You are very humble and selfless. Your parents are going to be very proud of you :) 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

My dream is rapper and if I made my dream comes true, I will be use my money for the poor.
>>My dream is to be a rapper. When that comes true, I will use my hard earned money to help the poor. 

Yea, I have to think about my life first but if I am rapper, I will earn money a lot.
>> I think that if I become a rapper, I will earn a lot of money. 

And I don't need a lot of money like that in my life so I will use the money for the poor.
>> I don't need a lot of money in my life so I will just use it to help the poor. 

If I use my money for the poor, a lot of people will emulate me and a lot of people will use their money for the poor.
>> If I do this, a lot of people will emulate me and help the poor as well. 

And all of the people who are in this world will be happy and there will be no more poor people.
>> If this happens, everyone in the world will be happy and there will be no more poor people. 

If I do that, after, I will write a lot of books.
>> After doing that, I will write a lot of books. 

There will be a lot of students and some students will have no confident about their future.
>> There will be a lot of students who will read this, especially the ones who don't have confidence in their future. 

But I lived my life very long time and I will know about the life so I will write the books about the life.
>> I will write about my life as well. 

And I will hope that books can be help for the students, and I will restin my house the rest of my life.
>> I hope the books that I will write will help the students in need. 
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