¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

If you retire in the future, what do you think would your life be like?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2021-06-24 268

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

My dream is rapper and if I made my dream comes true, I will be use my money for the poor.
Yea, I have to think about my life first but if I am rapper, I will earn money a lot.
And I don't need a lot of money like that in my life so I will use the money for the poor.
If I use my money for the poor, a lot of people will emulate me and a lot of people will use their money for the poor.
And all of the people who are in this world will be happy and there will be no more poor people.
If I do that, after, I will write a lot of books.
There will be a lot of students and some students will have no confident about their future.
But I lived my life very long time and I will know about the life so I will write the books about the life.
And I will hope that books can be help for the students, and I will restin my house the rest of my life.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John ! ^^

That's very generous of you to think. You are very humble and selfless. Your parents are going to be very proud of you :) 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

My dream is rapper and if I made my dream comes true, I will be use my money for the poor.
>>My dream is to be a rapper. When that comes true, I will use my hard earned money to help the poor. 

Yea, I have to think about my life first but if I am rapper, I will earn money a lot.
>> I think that if I become a rapper, I will earn a lot of money. 

And I don't need a lot of money like that in my life so I will use the money for the poor.
>> I don't need a lot of money in my life so I will just use it to help the poor. 

If I use my money for the poor, a lot of people will emulate me and a lot of people will use their money for the poor.
>> If I do this, a lot of people will emulate me and help the poor as well. 

And all of the people who are in this world will be happy and there will be no more poor people.
>> If this happens, everyone in the world will be happy and there will be no more poor people. 

If I do that, after, I will write a lot of books.
>> After doing that, I will write a lot of books. 

There will be a lot of students and some students will have no confident about their future.
>> There will be a lot of students who will read this, especially the ones who don't have confidence in their future. 

But I lived my life very long time and I will know about the life so I will write the books about the life.
>> I will write about my life as well. 

And I will hope that books can be help for the students, and I will restin my house the rest of my life.
>> I hope the books that I will write will help the students in need. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
109384 Homework ±è*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-15 228
109383 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-15 1
109382 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-15 1
109381 Homework ±è*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-15 263
109380 Have you ever thought about living in another country? If yes,... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-15 0
109379 Homework ±è*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-15 245
109378 South Korea building collapses during demolition, killing 9 À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-06-15 1
109377 McDonald\'s BTS-meal frenzy sparks virus closures in Indonesia À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-06-15 1
109376 What would you say is the best thing about getting older? Why? ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-06-15 289
109375 Do you think change is good? Why or why not? ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-06-15 266
109374 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-15 1
109373 Do you express your disappointment to someone? À¯*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-15 224
109372 Do you show your ability and competency the moment you landed on... À¯*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-15 302
109371 Modern Art Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-06-15 277
109370 HW ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-06-15 1
109369 With an increase in the number of privately owned vehicles,... ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-15 302
109368 Hi jeny~ ¹Ú*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-15 317
109367 My favorite hobby. ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-06-15 253
109366 What Korean policy/law is flawed? ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-06-14 2
109365 My favorite book ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-14 346

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04