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영작교정 게시판

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Mars is my favorite planet in Solar system

작성자: 김*랑
2021-06-30 471

회원님의 영작문



I think I like this planet because Mars suits my personality best. First of all, Mars is almost in the middle of the solar system. This is similar to my desire to have a lot of friends around. Mars has a lot means that I have a lot of things I want to do as an adult in the future. When I grow up I'm not good at cook, so I want to get a culinary license, and above all, when I grow up, I want to freely travel the world with my brother and my friends. Finally, Mars is also under the expectations of many scientists and people. This is I will become a person who has a good influence on society someday. For this reason, I like Mars the best!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello Maria!

Mars is a great choice from all the planets. Not only that Elon Musk has invested a lot of money to learn more about it, it is also a planet that can potentially be possessing earth like elements that we all look forward to discover.

Anyway, since you used it as a metaphor to equate yourself with, when you have a great influence towards others, like a planet, they will revolve around you and multiply your influence in good ways towards others. By that time, your job is done leaving a good legacy so you will be forever remembered.

Thanks for this well-written and speedy answer to today's homework. Excellent job!

See you!

-T. Donna =)

I think I like this planet because Mars suits my personality best. 
>> Correct!
Or: I think I like Mars because this planet suits my personality best. 

First of all, Mars is almost in the middle of the solar system. 
>> Correct!

This is similar to my desire to have a lot of friends around. 
>> Correct!

Mars has a lot means that I have a lot of things I want to do as an adult in the future. 
>> Mars has a lot meaning, I have a lot of things I want to do as an adult in the future. 

When I grow up I'm not good at cook, so I want to get a culinary license, and above all, when I grow up, I want to freely travel the world with my brother and my friends. 
>> When I grow up I'm not good at cooking, so I want to get a culinary license, and above all, I want to freely travel the world with my brother and my friends. 

Finally, Mars is also under the expectations of many scientists and people. 
>> Correct!

This is I will become a person who has a good influence on society someday. 
>> This means I will become a person who has a good influence on society someday. 

For this reason, I like Mars the best!
>> Correct!
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