¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think playing video games are bad for kids? Why or why not?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2021-06-30 342

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think there are adventages and disadventages to playing video games for kids.
For the adventage, they can solve their stresses with playing video games.
We can get sense of accomplishment if we get some items in the video games.
And their are a lot of studies that students have to do, so students have a lot of stresses.
But there are disadventages to playing video games.
Our organs like eyes or ears can be unhealthy because of screen and ear phone.
And some games are so addictive so some students can be addicted in video games.
So I think we can't judge video games as bad or good thing.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John! ^^

The economy, culture, and livability of cities depend on their transportation infrastructure. Quality transportation options can help a city become a lively place, filled with opportunity. However, if public transit options are inadequate, people may have difficulties getting to jobs and social areas.

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

I think there are adventages and disadventages to playing video games for kids.
>> I think there are advantages and disadvantages in kids playing video games. 

For the adventage, they can solve their stresses with playing video games.
>> One of the advantage is that it can release the stress of children . 

We can get sense of accomplishment if we get some items in the video games.
>> CORRECT

And their are a lot of studies that students have to do, so students have a lot of stresses.
>> Usually students have a lot of stress because of school. 

But there are disadventages to playing video games.
>>Despite all that, there are also some disadvantages. 

Our organs like eyes or ears can be unhealthy because of screen and ear phone.
>> Our eyes and ears can be affected because of the screens and earphones. 

And some games are so addictive so some students can be addicted in video games.
>> And some games are so addictive so some students tend to become addicted. 

So I think we can't judge video games as bad or good thing.
>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
111034 Sightseeing flights take passengers over Dokdo on Liberaton Day À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-19 1
111033 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-08-19 2
111032 Winter ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-19 256
111031 The Secret To Turn Ammonia Into Water Without Releasing Carbon... È«*Çý ¿Ï·á 2021-08-19 5
111030 How do you get in touch with your goof friends nowadays? Share... ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-19 225
111029 Homework Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-19 316
111028 If you can change something about yourself, what would it be and... ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-19 191
111027 What exotic foods do you want to try and why? ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-19 1
111026 Homework: Àü*¿Á ¿Ï·á 2021-08-19 6
111025 Homework: Àü*¿Á ¿Ï·á 2021-08-19 2
111024 Homework: Àü*¿Á ¿Ï·á 2021-08-19 2
111023 Homework: Àü*¿Á ¿Ï·á 2021-08-19 0
111022 What exotic foods do you want to try and why? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-18 0
111021 Homework: Àü*¿Á ¿Ï·á 2021-08-18 1
111020 8.18 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-18 3
111019 Homework: Àü*¿Á ¿Ï·á 2021-08-18 2
111018 How would you improve it to defend against ninjas? À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-18 5
111017 ielts task 1 bar graph ÀÌ*±¸ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-18 286
111016 What exotic foods do you want to try and why? ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-08-18 239
111015 Do you think you need to borrow a big amount of money from the... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-18 245

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04