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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
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작성자: 김*랑
2021-07-01 300

회원님의 영작문

When I was just entering elementary school, that my dream was becoming a teacher first, soon my dream change and that is to become a baker. As in elementary school, I had a lot of free time, so I made bread and snacks with my mother. At that time, I decided to make these delicious breads to instill happiness in people. But my mother said, "it's a tough job that requires you to come out early in the morning to prepare the bread because of the time it takes to make the bread and the fermentation time. It's okay?" At that time, I just thought that I had to find another dream, so I took an aptitude test and decided my final dream as a diplomat. But I found that the job was more difficult than other jobs. To achieve the dream of becoming a diplomat, I have to work twice as hard to get better grades than others ,I can't say my score, but my midterm and final exams came out poorly, so my confidence and enthusiasm were blocked.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Diplomat Maria!

The higher the dream, the harder you need to work for it. I think that that is the only way you can achieve your ambition to become the best diplomat of South Korea. In addition, you have to learn a lot of languages so that you can communicate with people and express your country's policies and laws well to other nations. I think you can pretty much nail it. All you have to do is to stay laser-focused to your dreams no matter what other people say or do to you. You can do it! I support you 101 percent!

Thank you for your homework answer! I will give you an A+ for this!

-T. Donna =)

When I was just entering elementary school, that my dream was becoming a teacher first, soon my dream change and that is to become a baker. 
>> When I was just entering elementary school, my dream was to become a teacher first. Soon my dream changed and that is to become a baker. 

As in elementary school, I had a lot of free time, so I made bread and snacks with my mother. 
>> In the elementary school, I had a lot of free time, so I made bread and snacks with my mother. 

At that time, I decided to make these delicious breads to instill happiness in people. 
>> Correct!

But my mother said, "it's a tough job that requires you to come out early in the morning to prepare the bread because of the time it takes to make the bread and the fermentation time. 
>> Correct!

It's okay?" At that time, I just thought that I had to find another dream, so I took an aptitude test and decided my final dream as a diplomat. 
>> It's okay?" At that time, I just thought that I had to find another dream, so I took an aptitude test and decided that my final dream is to become a diplomat. 

But I found that the job was more difficult than other jobs. 
>> Correct!

To achieve the dream of becoming a diplomat, I have to work twice as hard to get better grades than others ,I can't say my score, but my midterm and final exams came out poorly, so my confidence and enthusiasm were blocked.
>> Correct!
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