¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

HOMEWORK

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿¬
2021-07-01 221

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

The best way to prevent cell phone addiction is

First. It is to limit the time of using the cell phone.

Second. It is to make another hobbys. Then I will be able to cut back on using my cell phone. because. I do another hobbys.

Third. It is I don't intall too many games on my phone. because If I don't see the games you'll feel less inclined to play it.

these sre the best ways for me to sanction cell phone use.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Jenny,

  Thank you for taking time to answer this question. It only proves that you really wanted to improve in your English skill. Please do check and take note of the corrections for your improvement. I hope it helped you. 

Keep up the good work!

Sincerely,
Teacher Annie (^^)





The best way to prevent cell phone addiction is
>>> The best way to prevent cell phone addiction is the following. 


First. It is to limit the time of using the cell phone.
>>> First, is to limit the time of using the cell phone.

Second. It is to make another hobbys. Then I will be able to cut back on using my cell phone. because. I do another hobbys.
>>> Second is to make another hobby. In doing so, I will be able to cut back on using my cell phone because I do other hobbies.

Third. It is I don't intall too many games on my phone. because If I don't see the games you'll feel less inclined to play it.
>>> Third is not to install too many games on my phone because if I don't see the games then I'll feel less inclined to play them.

these sre the best ways for me to sanction cell phone use.
>>> These are the best ways for me to sanction cell phone use.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
110230 HOMEWORK ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-22 393
110229 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-22 1
110228 Fill in the blanks ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-07-22 270
110227 Are you a spender or a saver of money? Why? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-22 268
110226 Do you think that endangered species should be kept in captive... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-07-22 2
110225 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-07-22 184
110224 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-07-22 2
110223 What kind of games or toys did you play when you were young? Do... ±è*¼ø ¿Ï·á 2021-07-22 216
110222 My homework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-07-22 204
110221 Page 44 ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-07-22 197
110220 Homework ¾ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-07-22 212
110219 Have / If S had pp, ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-22 227
110218 HOMEWORK: ESSAY: Do you think smoking areas should be totally... ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-22 367
110217 Homework 7.22 Àå*º° ¿Ï·á 2021-07-21 255
110216 When is exercising too much? ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-07-21 1
110215 How do you give or show thanks to your parents? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-07-21 0
110214 How can you describe your family in your own words? ÇÏ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-07-21 226
110213 Are you a spender or a saver? ÇÏ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-07-21 230
110212 If you were an American, what do you think you could have been... ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-07-21 0
110211 Homework (310) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-21 171

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04