¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

HOMEWORK

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿¬
2021-07-01 216

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

The best way to prevent cell phone addiction is

First. It is to limit the time of using the cell phone.

Second. It is to make another hobbys. Then I will be able to cut back on using my cell phone. because. I do another hobbys.

Third. It is I don't intall too many games on my phone. because If I don't see the games you'll feel less inclined to play it.

these sre the best ways for me to sanction cell phone use.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Jenny,

  Thank you for taking time to answer this question. It only proves that you really wanted to improve in your English skill. Please do check and take note of the corrections for your improvement. I hope it helped you. 

Keep up the good work!

Sincerely,
Teacher Annie (^^)





The best way to prevent cell phone addiction is
>>> The best way to prevent cell phone addiction is the following. 


First. It is to limit the time of using the cell phone.
>>> First, is to limit the time of using the cell phone.

Second. It is to make another hobbys. Then I will be able to cut back on using my cell phone. because. I do another hobbys.
>>> Second is to make another hobby. In doing so, I will be able to cut back on using my cell phone because I do other hobbies.

Third. It is I don't intall too many games on my phone. because If I don't see the games you'll feel less inclined to play it.
>>> Third is not to install too many games on my phone because if I don't see the games then I'll feel less inclined to play them.

these sre the best ways for me to sanction cell phone use.
>>> These are the best ways for me to sanction cell phone use.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
110073 My homework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-07-15 278
110072 Homework ±è*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-15 274
110071 Home work ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-07-15 222
110070 Homework ±è*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-15 304
110069 Homework ±è*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-15 289
110068 Homework ±è*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-15 278
110067 Homework 7.15 Àå*º° ¿Ï·á 2021-07-15 271
110066 Homework 7.15 Àå*º° ¿Ï·á 2021-07-15 211
110065 It is observed in many countries that less and less people... ±è*¼ø ¿Ï·á 2021-07-15 238
110064 If you have a lot of things to get done in one week, how do you... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-15 2
110063 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-07-15 3
110062 What images spring to mind when you hear the word \'teaching\' ÀÌ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2021-07-15 249
110061 Feeling ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-15 224
110060 Why should we avoid junk food? ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-07-15 210
110059 Be ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-15 8
110058 Homework ¾ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-07-15 0
110057 HOMEWORK/YUN/2021/0714 Á¤*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-07-15 295
110056 HOMEWORK ±Ç*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-15 299
110055 home work on July 14 ÃÖ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-07-15 1
110054 Which do you like better, a home with a nice garden or a home... À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-07-15 237

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04