¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

HOMEWORK

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿¬
2021-07-01 229

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

The best way to prevent cell phone addiction is

First. It is to limit the time of using the cell phone.

Second. It is to make another hobbys. Then I will be able to cut back on using my cell phone. because. I do another hobbys.

Third. It is I don't intall too many games on my phone. because If I don't see the games you'll feel less inclined to play it.

these sre the best ways for me to sanction cell phone use.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Jenny,

  Thank you for taking time to answer this question. It only proves that you really wanted to improve in your English skill. Please do check and take note of the corrections for your improvement. I hope it helped you. 

Keep up the good work!

Sincerely,
Teacher Annie (^^)





The best way to prevent cell phone addiction is
>>> The best way to prevent cell phone addiction is the following. 


First. It is to limit the time of using the cell phone.
>>> First, is to limit the time of using the cell phone.

Second. It is to make another hobbys. Then I will be able to cut back on using my cell phone. because. I do another hobbys.
>>> Second is to make another hobby. In doing so, I will be able to cut back on using my cell phone because I do other hobbies.

Third. It is I don't intall too many games on my phone. because If I don't see the games you'll feel less inclined to play it.
>>> Third is not to install too many games on my phone because if I don't see the games then I'll feel less inclined to play them.

these sre the best ways for me to sanction cell phone use.
>>> These are the best ways for me to sanction cell phone use.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
109522 Monday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-06-21 251
109521 What makes your city more special than the other ones in South... ÃÖ*¿Á ¿Ï·á 2021-06-21 0
109520 What Korean policy/law do you think should be removed? ÃÖ*¿Á ¿Ï·á 2021-06-21 0
109519 Diary 0621 ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-21 0
109518 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-06-21 1
109517 Where do you want to travel next? Why? ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-06-21 279
109516 are you a good sport? ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-06-21 234
109515 ESSAY: Describe in detail your task as a videographer. ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-21 3
109514 Buying a Seoul Home Would Take 62 Years from Scratch À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-06-21 1
109513 My mother À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-06-21 237
109512 A person¡¯s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-21 245
109511 lesson ±Ç*½Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-06-21 256
109510 6/18 homework ³ª*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-06-20 281
109509 [6/17]Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-06-20 1
109508 If you had 100 million dollars, how will you spend it in 3 days? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-20 2
109507 Yes? Maybe...? ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-06-20 225
109506 [6/14]Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-06-20 2
109505 Homework ±è*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-20 295
109504 Homework ±è*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-20 302
109503 Homework ±è*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-20 241

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04